The Good, the Bad, & the Pornography – 9 Myths About Sex Perpetuated By Porn

By: Nour Jumma

DisclaimerThis article is in no way, shape, or form encouraging anyone to have sex or indulge in self-pleasure. Read that again, please. This article is meant to help you understand that women can orgasm, and that’s a scientific fact. If you partake in sexual acts, that’s your choice. The only reason we do these articles is for everyone who does to be reminded to stay safe and everyone who doesn’t be aware of how they can be safe when they do have sex, whenever that is according to their morality/beliefs/religion.

P.S photo from an indie adult film directed by feminist adult filmmaker and activist Erika Lust.

Porn. Probably the easiest content to access – aside from cat videos (nevermind, scratch that before the furries come for me). In our age of never-ending internet consumption, we have become the most sex-positive generation to date (maybe aside from the sweet acid trip hippie love of the ’70s), and a lot of previously ‘taboo’ topics have been consistently discussed (a slight nod to the weekly arguments on Egyptian twitter that have truly educated me on how many ignorant people still exist). Lock screen rotation, turn down the brightness, connect to a VPN, and you’re pretty much good to go. Sounds like your night-time routine, doesn’t it? In theory, porn should be great. But let’s talk about why this could be the easiest gateway to eventual porn addiction coupled with inevitable disappointment in your sexual  life. 

It’s been said about 69 times too many – porn sets unrealistic standards. Duh. In every single aspect, from body expectations, size comparisons, certain ideals of positions, and endless cringe-worthy noise possibilities. From some perspectives, porn can be insanely patronising to your body image and turn a quick dopamine high into a depressive episode of insecurities. Learning about sex from pornography is probably the worst thing to do. Pro-tip, what they’re doing on that girl definitely will not work.

And on that note, let’s debunk some myths about sex prepetuated by porn!

  1. However much foreplay you think is enough, double it (and then maybe add a little bit more.) In all honesty, foreplay is sometimes more enticing than sex itself. The art of seduction is one of the best things to practice with your partner. Take your time, and pay attention to each other’s cues. You can’t always expect 3 minutes of kissing to quickly turn to naked bodies under the bed sheets. Romance your partner, it’ll probably make the sex 500 times hotter.
  2. Sex toys aren’t just limited to handcuffs, butt plugs, and foot long pink dildos. Using sex-toys with your partner can be extremely exciting and add a little spice to your sexual intimacy. The way sex-toys are portrayed in porn is also usually centred around a male-pleasure view, instead of “oh yeah, lets make sure she’s also actually enjoying this too.”
  3. Size does not matter. Well, technically it comes down to personal preferences. But generally speaking, the way penis size is overplayed in porn can probably make you feel bad about your own. Fuck that. What actually matters is how you use it. Confidence is key.
  4. Stop. Trying. To. Fold. Her. Like. A. Lawn. Chair. Bodies are not supposed to bend like that. Keep in consideration that maybe she really can’t lift her leg up behind her head – not everyone is as flexible as a pornstar that has had immense training and probably did a couple stretches before filming. We see millions of interesting positions in porn, but a lot might not be actually doable (or even enjoyable).
  5. Do I even need to explain why porn majorly fucks up your preception of human bodies, how they look, and how they move during sex? Aside from the fact that pornstars usually have unattainable body standards that leave viewers everywhere questioning their appearance constantly, it can also set some people up for disappointment. Someone that learns all they know about sex from porn videos might be suprised that, no, not all boobs look like that, not all stomachs look like that, and not all asses look like that. Flat stomachs do not exist because the little pouch sticking out is your uterus. The porn industry caters to a very specific look, which leaves so much room for inaccurate expectations and insecurities. We also find a severe lack of representation not just with different body types and skin colours, but also of disabled bodies! I mean, should those differently abled have access to sexy content of people that also look like them?
  6. No, “you like that, huh?” does not count as verbal consent. A man asking periodically: “Is this okay for you? Are you good with this?” is necessary, it’s also sexy as hell, but it’s necessary before it is sexy. The bar is so mother-lovingly low. Have you ever even watched a porn video where the girl is asked if this is okay or not? Strongly unlikely. Yet she seems overly eager about everything that’s happening to her. Unrealistic, and also sort-of dehumanising.
  7. Body hair, body hair, body hair. The plastic shiny smooth skin on your little porn browser is aggressively unrealistic. You shouldn’t have to be baby smooth all over. You shouldn’t have to spend hours shaving waxing laser-ing and plucking every stray hair in sight to remain polished to the touch. Frankly speaking, most (if not all) girls have some sort of soft tiny hair on their backs, stomachs, shoulders, chest, jaw, thighs etc etc. It’s – in its most basic forms – human goddamn biology. You are not a seal, stop expecting to be as hairless as one.
  8. Moans don’t really sound like that. And if I could speak on behalf of girls everywhere, porn moans are actually extremely inaccurate and intimidating and sort of sound like cries for help. Sex is intimate and passionate, you don’t need any war cries.
  9. And lastly, let’s address squirting. Firstly, not many women can actually squirt. Secondly, it’s probably not as easy as you think it is. Thirdly, you should probably most definitely ask your partner before attempting to make them “squirt”. Please don’t attempt to aggressively shove your fingers in like your trying to power drill your way to an orgasm. That shit will hurt. And lastly, we’re not even sure if we can, but we’ll definitely appreciate you trying. Follow verbal and non-verbal cues your partner will give off. Have patience! Thanks for coming to my TEDTalk. 

Hear me out – I’m not saying abolish the porn industry or anything. It’s just that, that’s not really what sex looks (or sounds) like. Take a look around, we’re all trying to celebrate and love our diverse shapes, kinks, and behaviorisms. And that frankly isn’t seen in porn, not nearly enough. 

Take care!

  • NKJ

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