I Want To Wear Sexy Lingerie, Mama, That Doesn’t Mean I’m Going To Have Sex

By: Nour Jumma

So Victoria’s Secret had a little sale, and there was a pretty bra, and I looked damn hot in it. So I leave the changing room and tell mom I’m ready to stand in the painfully long line to pay for it. So she looks me up and down and asks me if I’m serious. I ask her what’s wrong? And she tells me that I must think I’m married to get a bra like that.

So we leave the store and get into the car for a very much anticipated argument. Why do I have to be married to get pretty underwear Mama? She very simply answers with “because why else would you get fancy lingerie if someone isn’t going to see it?” Because it makes me feel good about myself, I like the way I look in it mama. “Bas habal” (enough nonsense). 

Dressing up gives you a different kind of thrill. Wearing cute shoes, a fancy belt, new earrings, spraying new perfume etc etc can boost your confidence by miles. But honestly, nothing beats wearing sexy lingerie under your clothes. It could genuinely be the thing that completely changes the way you take on your day. Next time you wake up feeling not-so-very-golden, pick out your favourite bra or a pretty pair of underwear and just go on with your day. 

It‘s supposed to be sort of empowering – I’m wearing delicate lace and I’m not waiting for anyone to see it. It’s for me, I’m allowed to dress up for myself, because it’s important that I feel good, regardless of any outside validation. 

The concept of doing something to your appearance for your own self and satisfaction is virtually foreign to our culture. You’re always expected to be looking good because someone else is looking. But now, we’re trying to move away from pleasing other people and moving towards exclusively enhancing our own relationships with our bodies.

It’s considered shameful – isn’t it? To be so bold in pretty little garments. It’s our own little act of feminin resistance, of defiance to a society that shuts down any form of self-love. A private self-revolution. I’m choosing my own pleasure, and I’m taking back ownership of my desires for my body. 

It’s also about debunking the confined beauty standard that usually revolves around lingerie. If you’re not white-passing, if you don’t fit the eurocentric beauty standards, if you’re too tall, too short, too big, too small, if you have love handles, hip dips etc etc etc, you don’t often see someone that looks like you portrayed in a sexy, alluring manner in whatever media you consume. Therefore it takes an immense amount of courage and power, to grow enough to be able to unlearn and heal from the bullshit ideals of what ‘lingerie is supposed to look like.’

That moment in front of the mirror, seeing yourself  in all your glory and silky underwear, you feeling good about yourself then isn’t simply just about self esteem and confidence. It’s also about your relationship with your body, with your femininity, with yourself. 

This is how we break down the upheld barrier of shame. We choose to wear sexy lingerie (amongst other things that we do, obviously) to puncture the objectification of our bodies, our desires, our pleasure, and our sexuality. There’s a gulf of difference between ‘sexuality’ and ‘sensuality’. Once you are able to grasp it, and embrace it, you take back your fucking power.

To reiterate, no Mama, no one is going to see it, but I’ll look hot.

Stay sensuous, 

NKJ

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