I always talk about grey areas, about how not everything can be broken down into binary 1’s and 0’s. There are a few exceptions to the rule, ofcourse. The first one? Consent. Perhaps the most (theoretically) straight forward concept of all time. Let’s define some shit shall we?
- verb (used without object)
to permit, approve, or agree; comply or yield (often followed by to or an infinitive): He consented to the proposal. We asked her permission, and she consented.
Archaic. to agree in sentiment, opinion, etc.; be in harmony.
permission, approval, or agreement; compliance; acquiescence:
He gave his consent to the marriage.
agreement in sentiment, opinion, a course of action, etc.:
By common consent she was appointed official delegate.
Archaic. accord; concord; harmony.
of, relating to, or for sex:
sexual matters; sexual aids.
occurring between or involving the sexes:
having sexual organs or reproducing by processes involving both sexes.
Zoology. any organism that exists by preying upon other organisms:
Cats are carnivorous predators.
a person or group that plunders, pillages, or robs, as in war:
The Vikings were barbarian predators.
a person, group, or business that exploits, victimizes, or preys on others:
a sexual predator who targets children;
corporate predators who go after smaller rivals.
an overbearing, greedy or selfish person.
Tamam, now that we’re all on the same page, let’s move on. We know what a sexual predator is. We know when someone is crossing the line of consent and we know when someone makes us uncomfortable. But judging by what people around me have come out with in the last few months saying “oh it wasn’t a big deal but he did this and that to me but it’s normal, yaani” Well, frankly, it isn’t normal yaani. We can no longer afford to entertain this bullshit, and we can no longer allow the people in our lives to cross (or even push) our boundaries.
Media will have you believe that monsters are easy to spot. That the worst ones can be picked out of a line-up in seconds with a few definitive traits. But it’s never really that obvious is it? There are a few things you can “keep an eye out for” when it comes to spotting sexual predators in your circle, be it a friend, partner, or your boss.
1- A classic, Lord Farquaad.
Remember that one scene in Shrek, where the short king with bangs is chilling shirtless in his room, and he tells the magic mirror to show him Fiona and he fucking glances under his covers in excitment. Yeah.
He could be weirdly over protective, he could suddenly like an old instagram post, little harmless things that don’t really mean anything, until they do.
2- The Jamie Lannister.
We really need to stop letting men pester us. The first “no, thanks” should be more than fucking enough. The beloved GOT featured a questionable sex-scene between Jamie Lannister and Cersei. When the directors were later interviewed, they quoted that “it was consensual by the end.” No. Just, no. Someone who doesn’t know how to take no for an answer, should be covered in red flags and warning signs. This isn’t limited to them asking you out, it could be about giving you a ride home, paying for your coffee, offering to help you with an assignment etc etc.
3- If they’re overly secretive about your relationship with them.
If you have something to hide, you’ll act on hiding it as best you can. This includes a reputation for being a creepy guy that preys on girls. If you have someone constantly asking you to “not tell anyone we’re talking please, I’m just concerned about your reputation, wallahi” drop them. Drop them real fucking hard. An unclear agenda is a bad agenda.
4- Normalization on normalization (ie tactic Ezra Fitz)
Any predator will make it seem like what they’re doing is pretty normal. So what if I have my arm around you and let it linger a little too low? 3adi yaani khalleeky fresh. This will guilt the victim, and make them second guess why they would get bothered by this, convincing them that “it’s not that deep”. Or just generally overlook anything wrong that’s going on. Remember when Pretty Little Liars had highschool student Aria and teacher Ezra hooking up (and eventually getting married or something)? Yeah.. no.
5- A Bragging Bryce Walker
Showing off is usually a major red flag. Trying to constantly impress the people around them, or repeatedly lift themselves over everyone else, making it seem like they’re somehow superior to you and anyone around you. Khara. Red flag.
It goes without saying that there is definitely more to male predators than this list. And it goes without saying that you should be careful around everyone regardless. It’s extremely unfortunate but, if we don’t take a moment to reassess who we’re talking to and how they act around us, we could end up in situations we might not be able to come back from.