I love flirting. The excitement/nervousness of meeting someone new, and finding out if you click together or not is a standard part of socialising. I’m a sucker for sappy “how’d you guys meet?” stories, and I can’t help but dream up that mines gonna be the “I saw them, and I just knew.” But since we’ve been pretty shut-in for a while, most of our social skills are equivalent to those of a stale piece of toast. Which makes for terrible first impressions, and even worse flirting scenes. And maybe quarantine has made you realise that maybe you’re looking to get into a relationship with someone, or if youre ready for a fun fling, or even just simply putting yourself out there again (or you have a serious case of na2s hanan). So, without further ado, here are some tips to keep your flirting game at a top notch.
Disclaimer; this is fairly wholesome and sweet. Maybe a sexy and not-so wholesome one later though ;).
- Eye contact is 101
Sure – if you’re not careful, it could easily come off as creepy staring. Or if you’re smart enough, it could be ‘the look’ that gets the other person hooked. A wide eyed perv-y stare is not the longest road down from a kind and seductive gaze. When in doubt, smile!
- Compliment beyond their looks
Once you start up a conversation with someone and get to know a few of their likes, shoot a compliment at their interest. This draws attention away from a superficial conversation. Things like “I’ve always admired people who can paint” or “I love the way you’re pulling off that outfit” can go a long way.
- Responding to their reaction
It’s pretty obvious off-the-bat if someone is as interested as you are or not. Even without saying much, a quick glance away or a shift in posture can indicate whether or not the feeling is mutual. It’s hard to properly flirt and carry out the conversation with someone if they’re looking for excuses to not be having this conversation with you. Take a hint. Flirting is a two way street, give them as much as they’re giving you (in the sense of interaction, sharing, etc.)
- Asking questions – and actually paying attention to them
“Oh that’s your favourite movie? How come?” Asking “why?” will get them talking about what they’re passionate about, and give you a little bit more insight into who they are, which means you can decide if you’re compatible or not. No time to waste.It also lets them know you care, especially when you bring it up in a lter conversation, and they say “aww you remembered that?” Hella heart eyes @ that.
- Don’t make it a point to always talk about them
Sure, you want to get to know them. But they should also get to know you. Give them a chance to ask you questions, or find out more about you. And if they don’t attempt to in the first place, make it a point to share something about yourself to draw attention to the fact that they don’t know much about you anyway. But do pick up the cues of their blatant cold demeanour as non-interest.
- Recognise when the chemistry isn’t right
Ok so you’re flirting. And the conversation is going great. But you can’t really feel the “heat” with them. That’s fine! Sometimes the chemistry just isn’t right. Don’t try to force something that isn’t really there. But hey, you’ve made a good new friend along the way.
- Respectful physical contact
Unwarranted touching can quickly turn off a spark (and beyond that, it’s just unacceptable and wrong). After talking for a while and seeing a positive reaction from them, light touches on the arm or lightly brushing their side as you walk by indicates a major “I like you” signal. If you’re touching them in intimate ways, make sure they are comfortable with it too. (No, asking if they’re comfortable or not is not a turn off, consent isn’t sexy, it is necessary and respect is just basic human decency)
- When all else fails, cheesy pick up lines are fun
If you’re having a hard time starting a conversation with someone, or need an excuse to start one, you could always ‘ironically’ use one of those “Are you a camera? Cause I always smile when I see you.” sappy lines and laugh about it together. Could even be a great opportunity for an inside joke!
- You won’t be everyone’s ‘cup of tea’.
Don’t get discouraged when your flirting game seems to be striking out after a couple runs. You just haven’t found someone with the same energy as you.
- Do NOT get too sexual too fast
Take it slow, you don’t want the other person to get uncomfortable, right? Get a feel of their limits first, and respond appropriately to how they react to your advances. Ask them how they feel along the way, make it clear that you can back off if they’re not ready or just aren’t welcoming of it right now.
- Sending them/tagging them in posts
Small “lmao this made me think of you” moments can really highlight your attraction to them, and will most likely make the other person smile.
- Be! Your! Self!
Yes, the most cliche and overtold tip. But it’s true. Firstly, because you can’t really pretend to be someone else for long. Secondly, do you really want someone to be attracted to something you’re only pretending to be. And lastly, you’re more likely to attract someone with similar interests and energy to you if these are the ‘vibes’ you give off.
Remember that you’re trying to get to know the person while maintaining a soft atmosphere for light hearted attraction before going into anything hot-and-heavy.
Stay safe cuties,