5 of the Biggest Sex Myths We (Unfortunately) Learned From Porn – Now Debunked

By: Jumana

DISCLAIMER: This article talks about sex, but that’s fine. We’re here to educate.

Anyone who thinks men have a higher sex drive say I. Come on, don’t be shy, we’re all friends here. 

If I could hear the people reading this right now, I’d probably hear a lot of I’s, and that’s kind of a really big problem. How many times have people excused the predatory behavior of men just because they think that men have an uncontrollable sex drive? This has got to change. These myths that we think are facts, which mostly come from porn, need to be addressed, like now; so here are some of the major sex myths that we’re setting straight. 

  1. Bigger penises are better.

Something a lot of people get from porn is that being bigger is better, or is how things should be but: 

-No, bigger doesn’t mean more pleasure for your partner, bigger actually means more risk of tearing, infection and definitely more pain

-No, bigger doesn’t mean better in bed. Contrary to popular belief, having a bigger penis does not mean your performance is better, nor does it mean you’ll last longer, nor does it mean that you’re more fertile. 

-No, the average size isn’t as big as you think, the average size is actually around 9 cm (flaccid) which is around 13-14 cm (erect).

  1. Vaginas are tight or loose depending on the amount of sex a woman has. 

Most porn videos emphasise the need for the woman to have a “tight” vagina because it’s better but;

A woman’s vagina will be more elastic or expand as she becomes aroused, to prepare her for penetration, that is natural and actually makes it so sex isn’t painful for her. So, if you’re having sex with someone and she feels overly “tight” then please definitely check if she’s in pain or if she’s uncomfortable because that usually means that she isn’t as aroused and that she isn’t feeling pleasure.

The vagina is a mix of elastic tissue and horizontal muscle, when it expands, it eventually retracts back to normal, no matter what. A woman’s vagina does not become less elastic if she has sex and no you can’t determine if the woman is a virgin or not from how “tight” or “loose” she is.

  1. Foreplay isn’t important. 

This is very very wrong, foreplay is a must before penetration to prepare both partners for penetration. Porn doesn’t really show foreplay which is yet another reason why you shouldn’t learn about sex from it.   

For women, you can’t just penetrate without preparing her, otherwise there will be tearing, she may very well bleed, and it definitely won’t be comfortable nor will it feel good. 

Foreplay is also important for better sex and better orgasms, for both genders. Foreplay increases intimacy during sex.

  1. Spit can be used as lube

No, no, no, I cannot repeat this enough. Porn is always just showing people spitting and using it as lube and just working with that, but no, spit is not lube. Spit isn’t slippery, it dries really quickly, it’s irritating, and it can cause a lot of infections. STIs are transmitted through the saliva, and if the person is clean, their saliva still has bacteria that isn’t supposed to be in the vagina, seriously, say hi to all kinds of infections.

Use water-based lube. Lubrication is always important.

And, I’ve saved the best for last; 

  1. Men have a higher libido (sexual drive), they’re always ready for sex and it’s not something they can control.

Here’s what we know for a fact, sex drives are mostly a result of biological, psychological and cultural factors. Meaning, if biology were the only changing and deciding variable, men and women’s sex drives would be the same. 

However, and that goes for both men and women, if the person is: sad, stressed, unhealthy, depressed or anything similar, their sex drives will decrease. Regardless of gender.

So here’s the deciding factor: culture. Gender norms, toxic masculinity and social expectations require men to be more sexual and want to have sex 24/7 otherwise “they’re not real men” or “something is wrong with them.” Men are encouraged to be sexually active at a younger age, and they’re usually expected to have “done stuff”.

Whilst with women, it’s the exact opposite, women are at best shamed for being sexual, or for wanting physical intimacy and at worse killed. How many times have we opened the news to see a woman killed because she destroyed the “family honour”, as if we have the community’s honour stashed up our vaginas.  How many Esraa Gharieb’s have we read about?  Women just aren’t allowed to have sex drives, and that, that’s the deciding factor on the differences between female and male sex drives. 

In conclusion, if I hear another man tell me “it’s natural, we’re just instinctually driven to procreate and reproduce” as a justification for rape I will scream. 

Don’t forget to follow @thisismotherbeing on instagram for everything you might need to know, or should know by now, regardless of your gender or age. 

Have a great day and remember that porn isn’t educational and that you shouldn’t use it as a reference, ever! 

xx

Jumana

One thought on “5 of the Biggest Sex Myths We (Unfortunately) Learned From Porn – Now Debunked

  1. Sex drive refers to a hypothetical construct encompassing one’s attitudes toward sex, sexual desires, and sexual behaviors. Men have a stronger sex drive than women, and this gender difference is evident in cross-cultural research involving men and women from 53 different countries. In each nation studied, men self-reported stronger sex drives than women. While some women do have a very strong sex drive, this sexual motivation functions differently for women than it does for men.

    Consistency

    Women’s sex drive is more variable than men’s in two ways. First, women’s sex drive is more variable across women (some women have higher sex drive than others,) but women’s sex drive is also more variable within individual women (even women with a higher sex drive will not always have a high sex drive). Women’s sex drive is influenced by their menstrual cycle as well as their desire for their own partners or for alternative partners. Men’s sex drive is not only consistently higher than women’s, but it is more consistent over time and more consistent across individuals as well .

    Attraction to Others

    For all men, regardless of sexual orientation, a high sex drive is associated with increased sexual attraction to either men or women, according to their sexual orientation, but not to both. For straight and bisexual women, however, a high sex drive is associated with increased sexual attraction to both sexes. In research spanning 12 different nations and world regions, Lippa explored self-reported sex drive and sexual attraction. He found that only lesbian women diverged from this trend: Lesbians with high sex drive reported sexual attraction only to women, but not to men. However, because this research involved self-reported sex drive and sexual attraction, it is possible that some participants did not accurately report their attraction to both sexes.

    Sexual Frequency

    For both men and women, having a high sex drive is positively correlated with both an unrestricted sociosexual orientation (comfort with casual sex) and a greater number of sex partners. For women, however, the link between sex drive and sexual frequency is impacted by their relationship status. In relationships, women’s levels of sexual desire were directly related to their frequency of intercourse. For men, on the other hand, relationship status did not impact the association between sex drive and sexual frequency. These results may indicate that women’s high sex drive is more likely to be expressed within the context of a relationship rather than through seeking new or different sex partners.

    Info comes from the following studies, just so people don’t think I’m babbling like a madman:

    Baumeister, R. F. (2000). Gender differences in erotic plasticity: The female sex drive as socially flexible and responsive. Psychological bulletin, 126(3), 347.

    Chivers, M. L., Rieger, G., Latty, E., and Bailey, J. M. (2004). A sex difference in the specificity of sexual arousal. Psychological Science, 15(11), 736-744.

    Grebe, N. M., Thompson, M. E., and Gangestad, S. W. (2016). Hormonal predictors of women’s extra-pair vs. in-pair sexual attraction in natural cycles: Implications for extended sexuality. Hormones and Behavior, 78, 211-219.

    Lippa, R. A. (2009). Sex differences in sex drive, sociosexuality, and height across 53 nations: Testing evolutionary and social structural theories. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 38(5), 631–651. doi:10.1007/s10508-007-9242-8

    Lippa, R. A. (2007). The preferred traits of mates in a cross-national study of heterosexual and homosexual men and women: An examination of biological and cultural influences. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 36(2), 193–208. doi:10.1007/s10508-006-9151-2

    Ostovich, J. M., & Sabini, J. (2004). How are sociosexuality, sex drive, and lifetime number of sexual partners related?. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 30(10), 1255-1266.

    Liked by 1 person

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