Guilt-tripping is a typical form of manipulation and a part of human nature that no one seems to be able to fully avoid nowadays. I bet you were guilt-tripped at least once in your life. Don’t believe me? Just take your parents, for example, they are experts when it comes to it. My mom’s favorite line is: “ba3d ma rabetak w ba2et atwal meny bt2oly la2?” Like seriously, mom? Seriously?
If you don’t know what guilt-tripping is, let me explain. Guilt-tripping is when a person makes you feel responsible for something they felt or did. They constantly remind you of everything they have done for you; despite that, you might have not even asked for those things. In simple words, they make you feel guilty to manipulate and sway you into doing something. Yup, it’s as simple as that.
In our society, it feels like guilt-tripping became a tradition. Parents guilt-trip their kids to get better grades, friends guilt-trip each other for attention, and last but not least, girlfriends guilt-tripping their boyfriends for attention, while boyfriends guilt-trip their girlfriends for other things we won’t get into now. Some people manipulate and guilt-trip their partners, thinking that this will “keep them in check”. Well, I can assure you it doesn’t because it just ends up being frustrating. Playing mind tricks on your partner will end up draining them in the long run, instead of keeping them in check, and this will be one hell of a way for a relationship to end. So, guys, here are a few things you genuinely need to stop doing but also watch out for.
#1 Reminding us about that one mistake
No one has only one mistake, what are you? A saint? But there is always that mistake that you can’t get over which you bring up out of nowhere whenever you’re trying to make them agree to something you know they won’t agree to. You seriously need to stop bringing it up. We know we fucked up when we did it, but can’t you let go?
Doing this reminds us of not only that mistake but EVERY mistake! It feels like whatever we do we can’t make up for it, so you’re automatically entitled to getting whatever you want so we could finally get it over with once and for all, but it never gets over; you just keep bringing it up. So, if it’s really bothering you that much you can just leave; no one is forcing you here.
#2 The: “I did this for you, why can’t you do this for me?”
The question here is if you did it with your full consent, you wanted to do it too, they didn’t ask for it, and it was just done out of you being a decent human being; why even bring it up? Why make your partner feel like they owe you?
You guys are supposed to be partners, not coworkers; it’s not a matter of I owe you, and you owe me. Sacrifices are a part of relationships, but if you feel like you’re doing something half-heartedly then you might as well not do it. You do things in relationships because you love your partner. It’s not a competition to see who can sacrifice more. I’m talking to you guys reading this as well, stop bringing stuff you’ve done for her in the past even though you had absolutely no problem doing them, this is shit.
#3 You did it before, why can’t you do it now? Don’t you love me enough?
Why would you think that just because they did it before they’re supposed to do it again? What makes you think that they can do it again, now? Making them doubt their feelings despite knowing for sure that they love you is a low move. Just because they did something once it doesn’t mean that you’re entitled to them doing it over and over again.
Here is a reminder to you, other than guilt-tripping, this one is flat out inconsiderate. I don’t care if they’re your partner, and you’re “official”, if you ask them to do something they did for you before and they refuse, you don’t ever say that. Put yourself in their shoes. What if they weren’t even happy doing it the first time? Consent once, is not consent always.
#4 Are your friends more important than me?
You know you said this before, don’t even try lying about it. It might feel like it isn’t even a guilt-trip, but it’s a huge one. No one is more important, there is no need to play the neglected gf/bf role, all your partner has done was get some time for themselves. I know that sometimes we say we’re hanging out with a friend for a couple of hours and it ends up being the whole day, and that’s okay we are entitled to quality time with our friends.
You need to understand that this is a breather to us, this is how we unwind after a long tiring day. There is no need to play mind games just to get some more attention.
#5 You’re right, I’m a bad girlfriend/boyfriend
This one is very annoying, manipulative and you think it’s sneaky; but it actually isn’t, we know. It’s used when their partner’s arguing with them about something they need to resolve.
They use it when they’re trying to sneak their way out of the conversation and suddenly, the girlfriend/boyfriend is the bad guy who always sees the worst in her/him, while they’re only trying to do their best.
Now, let’s be realistic. No one goes to manipulation school to learn how to fuck up someone; and if we’re being honest too, this article is tailored to most of us. These things can be done very unintentionally in the heat of it. The manipulators might not even realise that they said something manipulative until the whole conversation is over.
To wrap it up, if you’re on the receiving end when it comes to the guilt-tripping, don’t just fall for it. Have a conversation, make it clear that you weren’t necessarily responsible for what your partner is stating, and make it clear that this is emotionally exhausting you. Also, don’t always play the victim’s role, when they state things you had actually done or influenced; admit them.
And to the ones laying the guilt-trip, you don’t need to guilt-trip and manipulate your way to getting anything you want, this is emotional blackmailing, do you honestly think it’s necessary? If it is to you, just take a moment to think; do you really deserve what you want when you do that? Do you have to guilt them into loving you more? Is it even love at this point?