I’ve spent too much time until I finally moved on from my last relationship, but not more than I needed. It was lonely, heartbreaking, and confusing. It felt like I left a home I helped build just because the paint on the walls started to crack. I had no second chances, and as you can imagine, I had hundreds of questions lurking in the back of my head; without any answers.
Breakups end relationships, but they hardly end the heartaches; not to mention the questions. Skip a breakdown or two, forward a couple of months and I’ve finally moved on. No heartache, no longing, and the one she’s probably most thankful for, no more midnight calls trying to fix things. Even after all of that, the questions never left my head. Sometimes, just sometimes, they still cross my mind; still unanswered.
#1 did we break up because we became different people than when we met?
Some people grow faster than others, some change while others don’t. Sometimes we don’t even realize that we have changed, and sometimes that change isn’t for the better. I later realized that people grow in different directions; not necessarily parallel ones. Sometimes we outgrow relationships and no matter how hard we try, we can’t avoid that change in our lives, in our personalities and in our chemistry with people. People don’t always grow with you, and sometimes they grow away from you, so naturally, your ex can just realize that this isn’t the person they fell in love with anymore. This was the first one I had, I needed to know if what had happened was because I ended up being someone different than who they first knew.
#2 Do you wish that we’ve never met?
This question can haunt you for days at a time. A person wishing that they could’ve erased the time they spent with someone from their memory only means that they’ve been hurt so badly. So, you’d want to ask this one because its answer can give you an idea about your role in the break up.
#3 Are you happier now with me gone?
You’ll question whether the break up was a good thing or not. You might be miserable after the break up, but you have no idea whether your ex is too, or if they’re happier now.
#4 Will you ever be open for us to sit and have one last chat?
After realizing your role in the break up and admitting it, you’ll have this question roaming your head longer than any other one. If things ended in a bad way, you’ll want a second chance to at least end them in a good way; you’ll want to apologize for what you have done. You’ll want an answer to this question because you never know whether stirring things up will be a good idea, or just hurt them and put them in a place they don’t want to be at again.
#5 Was I good to you?
Self-doubt, overthinking and self-blame. You’ll think that you were a good partner, you’ll know that you were, but no matter what, you’ll doubt it fearing that you were actually a bad partner.
#6 What would you change about me?
You’d want to ask this one to help you understand the thing they hated about you the most, which might have actually been the reason for the break up. You’d want to ask it to be aware and avoid doing that thing in the future. You’ll ask it for the sake of being a better person, and for the sake of better relationships to come.
#7 Do you miss me?
If you don’t miss your ex, you’ll just be curious to know whether they miss you or not, if you still miss them though, you’ll want to know if they’re still as hung-up as you. Either way, you’ll want to ask this one just because you’re curious about how they feel about you.
#8 Do you want to be friends?
At some point it might all seem wrong to you, that a person who once played such a major role in your life is now a stranger. If things ended in a good way you might be tempted to ask that question just so that things feel normal again. On the other hand, if things didn’t end well, you might want to change that to “do/can you forgive me?”`
#9 Do you still listen to the songs I sent you or did you delete them from your playlist?
We all have this song that takes us for a trip down memory lane when it plays. Depending on the memory we either skip it, or let play and relive the memory. If I had the chance to, I’d ask this one. It would help give me an idea of how moved on my ex is and what I can do to help.
#10 Is there anything you want to tell me?
I’d want to ask this one because it’ll give them a chance to let everything they have to say out, no grudges, no hate, nothing. If there was any chance for a friendship after the break up, this really helps with it.
And here are a few more questions you might want to consider:
Did I stress you out?
At some point, did you want to get back with me?
Was the break up easier or harder than you imagined it to be?
How did your friends react when you told them about the break up?
If you had the chance to, what would you change in the relationship to make it last?
Did you stalk me after the break up?
What reminds you of me?
Would you do it all over again?