Okay good news, I’ve got some tea for y’all today, some good tea. So, we’ve all heard some rumors over the years about what girls actually talk about when they’re alone and honestly, it is kinda scary because we talk about everything and I mean everything from the new gossip in town to boy/girl drama, to politics, yes politics, to new restaurants we want to try and then finally, trying to become each other’s therapists and celebrating our totally perfect mental health – note the sarcasm. So you’re probably thinking, well okay now I know what y’all talk about, the article’s done in the intro but girl, I haven’t even started…
So, in my head, this is a pool party where we’re a group of 5 girls who haven’t met in months, enjoying ourselves after quarantine – I wish. Now that the setting is set, we can start.
First and most important thing that every girl shella talks about once their eyes meet keda is, you guessed it, boy drama. So, this is like the appetizer to our main course, like there’s always this one girl in the shella who ALWAYS has a story to tell, so we usually spend a good hour dissing her shitty boyfriend, or sometimes praising him because you know, there are some rare good guys out there. And then there’s this guy who cries a bit cause she’s dying for a relationship like the latter and then the famous talk about some hot guys/girls in the area then we could talk about some mouth watering celebrities and here my friends, the cliché boy gossip session ends and we can now dive into the real deal.
Logically speaking, after talking about guys, the topic of sex comes up and here is when we notice how bad we need sex-ed in our schools because basically all our knowledge comes from cheap, cringey jokes on the internet that form our limited knowledge about sex. So, this part is usually either completely based on faty or a constructive conversation also leading to the conclusion that we need sex-ed because none of these things we just talked about were ever taught to us in school. And then we talk about this girl in our school who everyone calls a slut because she has too many boyfriends and how that guy who had sex twice is glorified and portrayed as a trophy that any girl is lucky to have smh.
Then extremely silent girl number 4 catches our attention and we all feel for her because she’s dying to see a therapist but her parents don’t believe in mental health and think therapy means she’s crazy like the majority of the Egyptian population… We move on to how done we are with staying at home for so long dealing with our parents’ ridiculously high expectations and ridiculously long fights that have no meaning whatsoever other than to further drag our non-existent mental health.
After a while of complaining about how bad and tiring a girl’s life is from having to shave every single piece of hair on our bodies on a regular basis to struggling to get that perfect skin to worrying about how defined our curls are to how our bodies have to fit into a specific standard. And finally, after a couple of, “ana tkhent awy” and “la ya habebty, you didn’t you’re perfect”, cursing society for having to make us hate ourselves because being ourselves apparently isn’t good enough in their eyes. We finally reach the part where we complain about how most of the male figures in our society suck big time. Girl number 1 shows us this disgusting dm of a guy who asked her for nudes a couple of days ago. Then girl number 2 tells us how the uber she came with this morning shamelessly flirted with her and made her uncomfortable the whole ride even though he’s 40 years older than her and is supposed to be one of the people in society who protect us youngsters rather than attack us but instead, he’s a disgusting pedophilic asshole. Girl number three (this is a true story by the way) talks about how a couple of days ago two dudes harassed her while she was walking down the street in a nice, supposedly safe neighborhood.
Then to call it a night we play some music, talk about the latest albums then do a little criticism in the name of politics, which is personally my favorite part because we get to talk about how we’re allowed to express ourselves in an amazing country like Egypt and how we love being able to say anything we want without fearing backlash (sarcasm).
I think this is enough tea and fadayeh for today and while this might not apply to EVERY single girl shella, I think it’s accurate enough.