I’ve honestly been contemplating this conundrum for far too long and the truth is, there isn’t a linear answer that I can give. There’s too much fog surrounding the idea of what is and what is not ‘meant to be’. Just pondering the thought for too long will lead you to realise that your not psychic, and all those hours you’ve spent debating it in your head, were a complete waste of time.
The only way I could illustrate my next point is if I turn to physics. Erwin Shrodinger devised a thought experiment that I swear by when it comes to giving any sort of advice. In simple terms, Shrodinger stated that, if you place a cat and something that would kill it in a box and sealed it, you would never be able to know if the cat was dead or alive, until you opened it. In that case, the cat is both ‘dead and alive’, a state of ‘being and not-being’. Now, bear with me. If we were to apply his thoughts to our current debate, we would in turn come up with a reasonable answer…I think. Unless you try, you’ll never know. That’s the bottom line.
Now, if you’ve tried and persisted but everything is still falling apart (i.e it’s not meant to be) then honey, as Lizzo so eloquently put it, “just walk your fine ass out the door”. There is no worse feeling than being the only one fighting to keep something alive, when it’s been dead and buried by the recipient. It goes without saying that there is more to life than just one person’s love or validation. Letting go, re-directing and devoting those wasted hours on yourself, is not giving up. It’s overcoming it. It’s putting negativity and toxic thoughts in the back seat while you drive with the windows rolled down. So am I advising you to ‘give up’?, no, I’m letting you know what awaits you on the other side. I’m just taking your blinders off.
Now, since all the basics are out of the way, I could now walk you through the hardest part. The part after the ‘giving up’. You’ll start re-falling in love with yourself, you’ll drink your water and go for your run, you’ll go for coffee dates with your best friends and for once since the relationship’s demise, you’ll feel liberated – in every sense of the word. With your new found freedom and positive mindset, hate will follow. Based on countless observations, the person you’ve left behind will take notice. They’ll see you shining without them and it will drive them crazy. They’ll creep back into your life, forcing back the rose-coloured glasses onto your face. My sincerest advice? Don’t fall back in, you’ve come so far.
If, however, both of you have come to the conclusion that your flame has burned out and it’s time for the relationship to come to an end, let it. I have no idea why ‘staying friends after a breakup’ is as stigmatized as it is. There is nothing wrong with growing apart and realizing that the newer versions of yourselves don’t connect in the same way. If anything I would be surprised if the two of you are still the same people you were when you first met. What I think many fail to comprehend is that personal growth comes with changes in your surroundings. And again…it’s not giving up.