Just Because I Don’t Fit into Your Idea of a “Perfect” Daughter, Doesn’t Mean I’m a Bad One

By: Zaynab

We disagree on a lot of things.  A lot. 90% of our relationship consists of arguing over various topics.

“Why would you want to major in *blank*? Wouldn’t you prefer this?” 

“What are you wearing? Go back and change.”

“As long as I’m paying the bills, what I say goes.”

When we have a disagreement and I try to defend my point of view, it’s immediately labelled as talking back. Maybe it’s because you don’t want to see that I’m right, or maybe you do believe it’s a form of disrespect. The point is: just because I don’t take whatever you say to be the absolute truth, does not mean I am a bad daughter. It just means I am a human being who has a different opinion than yours. 

I am no longer that little girl who held onto your every word, who would wait impatiently for you to return home every day. That is not me anymore. I am now a young woman with an opinion of her own. I am capable of taking care of myself. 

I am not shy when it comes to speaking up. That is great, and it is much needed in a society such as ours, where young women are objectified on a daily basis, and feel the need to keep their heads down to avoid any trouble. I choose to fight back. I am sorry if you wanted me to be more reserved when it comes to such matters, but I cannot allow myself to be like that.

My clothing does not define who I am. My clothing could be seen as reserved compared to one girl and scandalous compared to another. You know that, and I know that. Non-ideal world or not, I should not change what I am wearing in fear of being catcalled, or worse. I get that you’re looking after my well-being but you have to understand that it is my choice. Having a different sense of style than you want me to does not make me a bad daughter. It makes me a functioning individual with a mind and preferences of her own.

What I choose to study is a reflection of my personality. It shows what I want to do with my life. I believe that I’ll genuinely love studying it and that it will make me happy-shouldn’t that be what matters most? If I would rather not work in your field, I fail to see how that would make me any less your daughter, or a bad one at that. Genetically, I am 50% you; but that doesn’t mean that I am you. Your dreams for me and my dreams for myself are not necessarily the same. Me asking you to respect that does not make me a bad daughter. 

I need you to understand that asking for mutual respect does not make me a bad daughter. It means that I’d like you to treat me like the grown-up that I am becoming, not like that little girl. 

To be clear, I am very much capable of behaving like an obedient, demure daughter. I certainly don’t know about the perfect part, but when I choose to, I can listen to you, and do what you ask. More often than not I do. So please, try to listen to me and understand this: I am not a bad daughter if I don’t agree with you on everything. I am simply human-and I probably inherited my stubbornness from you.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.