Since – as you might know due to some degree of familiarity with the kinds of topics I usually write about – I have absolutely no experience with this whatsoever, my take on this might be a bit different. I’m not speaking from the perspective of an angry ex, expanding my hatred from one person to the Earth’s entire population, or someone living a fantasy relationship who sees nothing wrong with the world because I’m madly in love – just a regular dude who has an opinion that might or might not be helpful. Here goes.
People love to feel good. We’re constantly seeking pleasure of all kinds, allowing pretty much any form of media that elicits a good feeling into our brains. We consistently allow instant gratification to take control of us, as opposed to our better judgement, and I truly think this is no different.
Getting a certain text from a certain person can create this kind of a response. It can make you momentarily feel good, as though it is some form of affection, and therefore leaves you longing for more. Your brain has a very difficult time forgetting how it left you feeling, and so you end up waiting eagerly for the next. And the one after. And so it goes on, getting worse every time. It starts to create this hovering sense of nervousness and paranoia in your head, if you don’t get a text you were expecting. Did you do something wrong? Was it something you said? And so that goes on, as well. Now, I hate to break it to you, my friend, but this is pretty damn toxic.
I’m sure you’ve heard that before and aren’t really a fan of being ridiculed, as I imagine no one really is, so let’s discuss some solutions. The most important piece of advice I could possibly give is to be mindful. You can really think of this in a plethora of ways, so let’s go through a few.
First off, notice how you feel. Focus on every sensation you have as you get that impulse to check your phone. Really break down what you’re feeling, and it’s more likely than not that the urge will fleet. There’s quite some science to back this up, but there’s also some logic as well; urges are fleeting. That’s kind of one of their defining characteristics. Once you analyze the feeling and look at it from an outside perspective, all the excitement it usually harbors is lost, and that’s really what you want in this situation – control.
Second, and perhaps this is a bit more general, be mindful of the content you consume. There’s no denying how much the ideas we’re constantly taking into our heads affect the way we think. Be it the shows you watch or the people you interact with, it all sneaks its way into your thoughts unexpectedly. Learn to control what you’re letting into your brain – not everything should just be allowed free passage. Once you begin taking this up as a concept, you’ll find that you’ll become a lot more selective and critical of everything around you, not only helping you out with the first point, but also potentially preventing you from getting into this whole mess in the first place. You won’t just let anyone into your life because you’re bored, and I’m sure that’ll save you plenty of energy in the long run.
So, yeah, that’s about it. I’m sure you don’t need to hear the whole “relationships aren’t about who cares less” or “validation needs to come from inside you, not external sources” shit now, because – again – we’ve all heard it a million times, and that’s not meant to invalidate the statements in any way. In fact, quite the opposite; we hear them over and over because they’re true, so I guess this just a reminder and I hope it will be enough for now.