Distractions are birthed from everyday life; distractions from anxiety, heartbreak, or even sexual drive. With all these distractions gone, what else is there to think about? And certainly no one nowadays can honestly deny the fact that they dream about sex all day.
That could be the outcome of the hyper-sexualization of the most mundane things in our lives like the peach emoji, the eggplant emoji, the peace sign that can be interpreted as going down on someone, or even the fact that no one receives the intimacy that they crave. If you open twitter right now, you’d see at least 100 tweets that contain the word ‘horny’ on your timeline, more thirst traps on Instagram than usual, unsolicited dick pics, the inventive nature of humans when it comes to fetishization, and the naturalization of opening the previous chats between you and your toxic ex (guilty).
With our lives halted because of the corona virus and our separations anxiety at its peak from not seeing our friends, there is nothing else to do that would take your mind off of things other than masturbating. There are many TV shows on Netflix and Diwan doesn’t usually close…but TV shows start to get boring and books start to appear cliché, I can’t even explain how many hours I spent looking for the perfect sexually pleasing movie because it doesn’t degrade women as much as porn. Speaking of porn, I believe PornHub are benefiting the most from this quarantine but if you’re scared of getting caught by a family member I’d recommend binge watching game of thrones.
And to the ladies reading this who know how bad hormonal menstruation makes you horny, doctors actually recommend masturbating on your periods because it relieves stress and gets rid of cramps, online school isn’t really helping either with the stress part, as if we don’t have enough shit on our minds not being able to see our boyfriends and girlfriends. I’m sure people in Alabama are having the time of their lives if you know what I mean.
There are also two things one should include in the equation if you want to answer the question in the title, NO ONE HERE WANTS TO DIE A VIRGIN, CORRECT? Especially when it’s mostly heard in movies that display a bunch of teenagers slowly marching into apocalypse, they have a shit ton of sex for the sole fact that ‘they will die soon’. Well scientists and psychologists have actually found that the fear of death can prompt more sexual desire and behavior as a coping mechanism, and whether it be the corona virus spreading faster than the speed of light or the fact that global warming and pollution is pulling our futures out of sight, we feel like we won’t live long enough to lose our virginities on time.
We also know that sex is an activity that makes a lot of us feel “alive” so it’s no surprise that a pandemic that forces people to stay at home would promote an interest in activities that give them such euphoric feelings. Even if you’re not familiar with sexual activities, wet dreams are here to remind us how shitty it is to either wait for someone who wants to sleep with you or wait for the next dream; and yes gentlemen, us vagina people have wet dreams.
The last thing I have to say is don’t ever forget to use protection and always pee after sex, some scary STDs are walking among us – after we get out of isolation, that is.
Stay safe everyone xx.