14 of Our Disaster Predictions for April – The Egyptian Edition

By: Zeina and Fadila

Ahlan beeko fi post gedeed haynakked 3aleiko 3eshetko w somehow hayfattasko mel de7k, it’s just another of our collabs! March was – by far – the worst month since 2020 started, which is saying a lot because Jan and Feb were the stuff of nightmares, March was more a Black Mirror episode, April baa rabbena yostor. 7abbeina nakhod saf7a men ketab Romanseyya Manseyya (Hi Yaya w Safi!), trying to make you laugh with (mostly) silly but downright terrifying possibilities.

1. the disbanding of cairokee

da law 7asal begad ana w zeina hanelbes eswed 40 youm w msh hanesma3 gheir aghany cairokee feehom, msh be3eed neghseb 3ala nafsena netfarrag 3ala kol film fi Tamer Hashem w kol e3lan fi Amir Eid w kol concert metsawwar yegma3hom bi ba3d.

2. hassan el raddad w amy samir ghanem yenazzelo film ma3 ba3d tany

kol 7ad feehom lewa7do brince, lamma beyegtame3o? beyeb2a hayegraly 7aga, maslan zay en mararty tetfe2e3 🙂

3. talaa2 Ahmed Dawood w Ola Roshdy

fav Egyptian celebrity couple ever. period. (sorry Ahmed Helmy w Mona Zaki, but no). It would genuinely break our hearts, I’d gorge on chocolate for days and binge watch all their interviews together.

4. el ard tetsha2 w tebla3na

at this rate, ay haga momken te7sal, mahy etsha2et fel 3asefa 3ady yaani.

5. your mom finds out you have a bf

*ya salat el naby a7san* (obvs in the voice of Marie Monib in Ibn Hamido). rabbena ma3aky ya ro7y, msh ha2dar asa3dek.

6. tet2efesh beteshrab sagayer/hashish

get ready for flying shabasheb to be a regular occurrence at your house again, w e7temal tetrebet fi regl el sereer w tefdel fel 7egr le7ad akher youm f 3omrak.

7. el sad el 3aly yenfeger

bosso heyya msh disaster awy, law el sadd enfagar, e7na kollena ma3ada el delta masalan haneghra2 w nemoot fi toofan ma3adesh 3ala masr men alf sana masalan, w keberna ennena nenfasel 3an Africa w nelbes fe Greece. Hanekhsar 70 million bani adam masalan w haneb2a goz2 men Europe, alf mabrook mokaddaman.

8. Tameem Youness yenazzel oghneyya gedeeda

ehna ka feminists msh hane2dar, ro7na fi manakherna khel2a baa, aboos eidak balash, ah law hate3mel oghneyya balash neegy gamb ay female aw el females 3amatan. msh na2seen wennaby.

9. terga3o lel ex

el we7da bete3mel aktar men keda kaman, fag2a, 7atta awsakh bani adam 3erefto ba2a shaklo shakhseyya cute tany men kotr mana khalas msh adra afdal ma7boosa, w 3adam wogood el drama fi hayaty hayen2etny.

10. enqeta3 el internet 3an masr

leiletna zar2a inshallah.

11. mama te2ollek la2etlek 3arees

tbh msh be3eed. ana 7assa enny f bootcamp ma-qabl-al-gawaz, ah wallahi. deroos fel matbakh, with a side of tahzee2 on how to budget, alongside a lecture (w heyya maskaly el shebsheb) on the merits of “pleasing a man” versus “pleasing yourself”, ma3 conclusion khena2a gabet sotna akhr el share3 3an enny mayenfa3sh makonsh 3ayza atgawwez.

12. yeragga3o emtahanat IG w IB tany

takhayyalo ma3aya keda…..

13. elly fel gam3a ye3eedo el semester

7ello 3an afana allah yestorko baa, kefaya 3ak, 3ayza akhallas w aghoor men hena wennaby.

14. El eyama te2oom

akher wahda di leyya ana w zeina 3ashan e7na el etnein fa2r, w rabbena yostor 3al balad men el list di essara7a.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.