By: Zeina and Fadila
We are way too bored (for obvious reasons) and have decided to analyze and judge all types of people during the crazy times we’re going through. Both of us tend to turn to saff to burn off excess energy and frustration, both of which we’ve currently got plenty of. Don’t take it personally, we’re listed too hehe.
1. the toxically positive
araftoona fi 3eshetna, “earth is healing”, “waw this is amazing”, “why are we panicking? it’s not like this is a form of trauma, khales!” begad er7amoona, shokran.
2. El melaza2een
Couples. Yaani ehna isolated w bardo ento melaza2een? Kesset 7obboko mekammela fi dates to the saydaleyya and supermarket? fe3lan? begad? screenshots of your facetimes megharra2a my feed, w fi locked room 3ala houseparty ba2alko sana, la begad battal yegeely notifications 3ashan ento ta2reeban betnamo 3ala houseparty gamb ba3d. Have mercy on my tired single soul, please.
3. El 3aysheen fel matbakh
kollena fag2a fakreen nafsena Gordon Ramsay? Wallahi ehna keberna chef sherbini, etla3y ya 3effat enty w suzy mel matbakh abl ma yewla3, msh hayeb2a waba2 w akoloko 3aleina.
4. the capitalist
oooh let’s monetize this free time and write our business plan! Because how dare we stop and rest for a minute without making some money out of it.. Don’t pressure yourselves please! It’s fine if you take your time and adapt to your new routine.
5. let’s work on our summer body
msh waba2 w fatphobia kaman, begad msh na2sako, law ana 3ayza a3od oddam el talaga w a3eesh aqsa tomo7aty fel akl, malaksh da3wa. Allak homeworkout w morning run w gym manzely, shayfenna BeFit coaches masalan? Heyya el sana bayna men awwelha, mafeehash seif, erkeno ba2a.
6. hanmoot kollena
di el shakhseyya (elly heyya mama w khalto) a3da oddam el akhbar bet3ed el wafeyyat, bey forward voicenotes via Whatsapp from ged abo bent khalet 3ammet sa7betha elyy shaghal fel WHO. They’re also stress buying dettol, cleaning with it, sanitizing with it, and almost reaching the point of drinking it. El mass panic 3ala osoolo, mashallah, la begad testahlo ta7eyya.
7. the tiktokers
Dol begad 3ala albohom marawe7, mafeesh ay e7sas bi ay haga, la el moseeba elly e7na feeha wala mama 3amla eh 3al ghada, wala 7atta ennahrda anhy youm fel esboo3. We were benseff 3ala tiktok 2 months ago, what happened? Ana shayfa enno yemken tiktok howwa el 3amal el virus ma3 Zoom 3ashan kano na2seen value? Conspiracy theory goals.
8. beyha2a2 ahlamo
Rawa2an goals. 8:00 AM, coffee and listening to Fairuz. 9:00 AM, morning yoga. 10:00 AM, painting. 12:00 PM cooking enough food to feed a small army. 2:00 PM baking breads and pastries worthy of landing them on MasterChef. 4:00 PM writing poems about hope. 6:00 PM meditation and energy cleansing session. 7:00 PM family time! 9:00 PM dinner and bed.
9. el f ghaybooba
3amo da gameel w cute awy, howwa tbh msh daryan ennahrda youm eh walla howwa beye3mel eh w ta2reeban nesy en fi universe kamel outside the comfort of his/her own bed. Basically, Hareedy fi film Morgan Ahmed Morgan – bas mengheir el 7asheesh, da rabbany.
10. Fifi Abdo
7ob 7ayaty elly 3aysha 3ala afa el snapchat filters, betakol 24 sa3a, bet-post thirst traps w wala hamemha, bel edafa ela ennaha bet7awel teragga3 booz el batta trend tany. Begad ta7eyyaty, nefsy ab2a zayyek, chapeau, 5 mwah.
11. el rewesheen
What quarantine lol. ha ha ha, let’s go out like nothing is happening and risk people’s lives. I have a good immunity so fuck the vulnerable ones lol. I’m gonna invite all my friends over, see, we’re “staying home”.
12. El Mesta3geleen 3al Seif
They packed and went to sokhna or gouna with their shella because YOLO. They definitely posted Instagram stories with something like “my kinda quarantine” or “what quarantine lol”. Amr Adib masah b karametko el ard ya gama3a so you better come back and be as sad as we are.
13. El Singles
With all that time left to overthink, they’re more desperate than ever for a significant other…haletna sa3ba ya gama3a. Listening to tamer ashour on repeat is definitely not helping. PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DON’T CALL YOUR EX. Your dignity is better off with you quarantined & dying of boredom.
14. Challenge Experts
They’re shooting toilet paper left & right, have posted 10 baby pictures and are now doing 10 pushups on the tips of their fingers. After finishing all challenges possible and nominated every single friend, they post a story saying “Let’s play with the Instagram algorithm” because why not spam people EVEN MORE.