Friends Can Break Your Heart Too, Dammit

By: Mariam Abdelrazek

I’ve been staring at this blank sheet for far too long and I’m starting to get bored and pissed if I’m honest because I have a shit ton of other things to do that don’t involve trying to convince everyone that friendships can cause heartbreak too. After all, that just goes without saying you know. Okay, I don’t mean to be such a bitch about it but like come on, you must’ve seen this coming. I mean, I’m sick of everyone complaining about how the f*cking world ended when their significant other broke up with them or the other way around. Like, y’all are way too focused on this boyfriend/girlfriend hurt my feelings thing that you don’t even see that friends can do more than just that. Way much more. Ever heard of the term double-edged sword? Well, that term was f*cking invented for friends.

I’m not going to give you a boring lecture of oh, you know, friends can break your little heart into pieces just like they can make you feel happy other times. I’m just going to let you think about it because I know you all can relate to what I’m saying. Every single one of us had a friend and most probably a best friend who was a huge part of your life, you literally shared everything with them and then one day you were scrolling through Instagram, saw some post that you would’ve forwarded to them then you realized that you can’t because you’re not that close anymore. And then you realize that this didn’t happen overnight and that you were slowly drifting and you have no idea why. It just happened. Was I the reason? Is there something wrong with me? Did I do something wrong to them? And minutes later you just accept the fact that you have lost a friend and you had no idea when and most importantly WHY?!

So you see, when it comes to relationships, romantic ones, there’s always a reason as to why you broke up with someone or why they broke up with you. They can’t just leave and not explain anything. It’s either they cheated, you cheated, there wasn’t a connection anymore…etcetera. There’s always a reason, an explanation. They’re not allowed to just leave and disappear into thin air stealing all your memories with them. As you can tell, that’s not the case with friends. In friendships, people just leave without much of an explanation. You don’t just wake up to find your bestie gone or something, it happens over weeks and maybe months but it happens and it can’t be explained and I can’t explain why it can’t be explained it just can’t. You just aren’t meant to be anymore, maybe they need a break, maybe you do, maybe, maybe, maybe.

This lack of explanation makes you blame yourself for it, it makes you wonder if you were the reason because there’s no other reason that’s been offered and that leads to heartbreak. Because you were the reason they left, YOU did this and it hurts. It hurts so much that you can’t talk to the person you once shared everything with because you just left without an explanation or they did without one. It hurts that you can see them every day and stare at them from afar because you can no longer approach them because you have lost that right because you were the reason.

It hurts so much because unlike in relationships, where you don’t choose who your heart will fall for, you chose this person. You selected this person and gave them the right to be so close to you and the only [person that you chose to build a relationship with chose to leave you. That’s why it hurts. Because it’s not some sort of fatal thing that was meant to be, no, it was a decision made by both of you and there is no explanation for it.

Damn, that was intense.

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