Feeling that you’re always a part of a one-way conversation? That you’re talking to an emotionless person? that is if you got the chance to talk in the first place. Lack of empathy from your friend/partner? Having to compliment and praise them for pretty much nothing just to avoid a fight? Constantly under-appreciated? Buddy, I got bad news for you; you’re with a narcissist, run.
Often, when someone keeps talking about themselves, showing off their body, possessions or just talking about how great they are at doing something we call this someone a narcissist, I wish it were as simple as that. A narcissist is mentally ill, there is a disorder called Narcissistic Personality Disorder, (NPD) for short. Someone with NPD will have lots of issues but what pops out to me the most is an over-inflated ego, a constant need for validation and admiration from others, selfishness and the lack of caring about people’s feelings. Here are a few more things to look out for.
#1 Can’t you feel me?
Empathy or the ability to feel, share and understand how someone else is feeling simply doesn’t exist in a narcissist. In simpler words, they don’t see your feelings or anyone’s as they only see their own, your feelings don’t exist to them.
Talking to them about your problems, bad days, issues or whatever actually won’t even move a hair, they’ll just get bored and will probably be counting the seconds till you’re done talking. It’s not because they don’t give a fuck about how you’re feeling but simply because they just can’t feel what you’re feeling, it’s how they’re built and whatever you do, you will always find yourself unable to change this trait.
#2 My turn, please!
They will own the conversation and you’ll talk only when they decide that they’re done talking about their grandiose accomplishments and how amazing they are.
This comes from the need for admiration and acceptance from others, they keep on talking about themselves to project a false image that is usually better, braver and cooler than they are. They will exaggerate their accomplishments and find ways to weave and fit little lies that you won’t notice into their stories just to make them seem that bit cooler. When you talk about yourself, they won’t ask questions or even seem interested to know more about you, because all they want to do is to go back to talking about themselves.
#3 You think you’re better than everybody?
Narcissists will always want you to treat them specially. They believe that they deserve to be known more than anyone around them.
They want to be treated better all the time. They will want you to cater to their needs with complete disregard for any possible cost(s) or consequence(s). They want to get what others have, but they don’t get that they can’t have it. A narcissist won’t care about you or anyone’s boundaries because they think they’re superior to everyone; they just don’t understand the concept of boundaries. They believe that they’re at the center of the universe and rules don’t apply to them. This sense of entitlement also makes them controlling, which is a red flag all on its own.
#4 Can’t you just forget about it?
People with NPD are known to hold grudges, in fact, some would say that they’re the ultimate grudge holders.
They might seem to have forgotten about something you did which upset them before, but they just kept mentioning it over and over again later. Everyone forgets at some point, but a narcissist never forgets, they will always remember how you did them wrong and wait for the right moment to get you back with whatever way they see fits.
#5 So, I’m always wrong now?
Fighting with your friend/partner is hassle on its own, but fighting with a narcissistic friend or partner is a nightmare.
Whenever you argue about anything, you’re always wrong and it’s always your fault, but them being wrong isn’t even a possibility. They make it look as if you were wrong and refuse to even believe that they might be wrong because they think they’re flawless and you’re the inferior always mistaken human. They don’t want to ruin their idolized false self-projection; as to them, their perfect preserved self is more important than your feelings.
Being with such a person is mentally and emotionally draining, it will consume you in the long run. You’ll think that you can “fix” your loved one and you’ll keep trying to do so, but eventually, when it’s too late you’ll find that you can’t and you’ll be trying to run away from an already nonexistent and nearly unfounded relationship or bond.
So, run while you still can.