I’d like to think of relationships as rain forests’ tree vines, if there is mutual respect, love, honesty, and understanding of each other, they become so connected and attached, that it would take the sharpest knife or blade to tear them apart. If these assets are absent, then the partners are like parallel ones, each dangling out of a branch, having no possibility or chance to connect or communicate, fragile and alone, not feeling the presence of the other in its life.
In a healthy relationship, you’re free to do whatever you want and are comfortable with your partner, whether it be holding hands, hugging, kissing, sex, or nothing at all, all while setting your boundaries and making them clear. But sometimes in some cases, the partner oversteps those boundaries, not giving the word “No” its value, forcing the boy or girl to do stuff against their will; also known as sexual coercion.
In other words, if your boyfriend makes you feel guilty for not giving him what he wants, telling you that you’re weird for not desiring him. If he blames you for turning him on or getting him excited mid-hookup, after changing your mind, or even if you didn’t do anything at all, then he IS abusive.
If he sees sex as the only way to express and show love, and so you automatically don’t love him if you don’t want to sleep with him. If he doesn’t own up to his mistakes when attempting to hold you by force and apologize, well this guy is not who you are looking for or who you want to continue dating.
If he turns a blind eye to your disgusted face, becomes deaf when hearing the word ‘No’ or ‘I’m not ready’, if his hand doesn’t stop rubbing on your thighs and pulling you closer to him, if he never cared enough to ask first for your consent before making a move, then honey, dump him
Never think of it as ‘what boys do’, because you’re not some photo on a magazine for him to touch, look, or moan at anytime he wants, nor are you a toy designed for his pleasure. And if you change your mind and decided not to go further during foreplay, you’ll have every right to. If he doesn’t get it, tell him, be open with him about your needs, what makes you comfortable and what doesn’t. Hold him accountable for his actions, beat the stupid saying ‘boys will be boys’, let him know that it’s your body, not his, that you’re a human, capable of showing your love in so many ways much more intimate and meaningful than the physical aspect of the relationship. If after all these trials, he still doesn’t listen, then you’re better off without him. You know what needs to be done.
And I know the signs might be hazy, but trust your gut, listen to the alarm ringing in your heart and mind, warning you that something might be going wrong because you deserve someone way better. Know that there are plenty of fish in the sea, even if you’ve been together for long. Your worth is so much more than what your partner will ever get or understand. Stop wasting your time on someone who never deserved it in the first place, you’re a wonderful, beautiful girl with dreams, goals, and needs, and he doesn’t seem to fit in the picture. So, break those chains and set yourself free, trust me, you’ll have no regrets in the end.