So here’s the situation; you’re on a first date with this really cool person you met a while ago, the atmosphere is great, the conversation is flowing, when suddenly, you slip up and mention they-who-shall-not-be-named, your ex.
We all know of the unspoken rule: do not mention your ex when you’re on a date. But is it really such a big deal? The truth is, it really isn’t. Sure, mentioning your ex may give off the vibe that you’re still thinking about them, still not over them, but come on, if your current date can’t handle you mentioning your ex, do you really want to be dating someone like that?
First off, if you met that person through a common activity in your surroundings, then the likelihood that one of your friends did too, isn’t really that low. You want to make sure he didn’t date a friend, and if they did, make sure they aren’t that one person your friend has been crying over for a month now because of how that person mistreated them. And believe me, the thought process of “I’ll change them,” is really really not probable.
Secondly, you want to look for red flags early on in the relationship, and no I don’t mean be that person who’s looking for the bad things in a relationship just for the excuse not to be in one. If you casually mention your ex on a date and the person you’re going out with starts obsessing over it and asking a trillion questions, “why’d you break up?”, “are you really over them?”, “how can I be sure that you’re not still hung up on them?”, “do you want to get back with them?”, “are you still talking?”, then honey, you better get out of there. And fast. This is a clear indication that your date is obsessive, kinda scary, and has a high possibility of being a controlling and restricting piece of shit later in the relationship.
Thirdly, you kind of just want to see what that person is like overall. So, they start talking about their ex significant other and they just start getting really aggressive, swearing at them, saying how they were “crazy”, how they wronged them in the relationship, that while they were an “angel”, the other hated them and ruined the relationship AND that they’d want to hurt them, or make them pay for what they put them through, you may just want to get away from that. This is a person who’s deeply insecure and jealous, they think that talking badly about others will make them look good, impress you, or even “prove” that they are over their ex. I genuinely don’t think you want to be with a person like that. Needless to say, they will also be talking about you the same way they did that person, if they aren’t already. (DISCLAIMER: this is not about the people that really were in an abusive relationship and are just talking about it, this is directed towards those that just like badmouthing others.)
So, can you talk about your ex on first dates? Absolutely. I’d even advise doing it.