Leaving any sort of toxic relationship – whether that’d be a friendship or a romantic – relationship is the best thing you can do for yourself, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy. These are a few of the things I wish someone had told me to expect. I’m telling you now so that you can pass it on—whether you have your eyes on your exit or not.
Leaving will never be easy, it’s one of those things that the cliche line “easier said than done” applies to. It’s far easier to talk about a toxic relationship than to leave one. It is even easier to stay in one. Whether you’ve broached the idea of closing the door to toxicity or have yet to consider it, the actual stage exit isn’t a slip-n-slide.
You’ll eventually look back on this friendship and realize that you were never really happy. You gave and gave and all this person did was take away from your beauty and your selflessness. Love is a two way street. It’s supposed to be balanced, not uneven and messy.
When you finally do decide to leave, it’ll take a while to adjust because the toxicity never leaves right away, it can take a big while as well; spirals of thinking have i made the right decision? could have i tried harder? will haunt you endlessly. Saying no to toxicity or abuse is not a clean break, it’s a knife through a brick.
Toxic partners often teach us to be insatiable with their own addictive behaviors and that’s something to keep in mind. It is hard to identify toxicity when you are knee-deep in it. I was blind to it, even as I welcomed it and brushed it aside.
Leaving a toxic relationship, then, may not be fully your decision. Friends and family members may say something. They may urge you to get out. They may make the decision for you, and you may let them. Help is okay, remember that. It’s totally ok to mourn. It’s normal to feel deeply about a relationship that used to mean the world to you. Not everything is black and white. Don’t bottle up your feelings and let yourself feel. Just because you feel, doesn’t mean you’re a weak person.
The choice can come from anywhere. The important thing is that it is made.
You have to build yourself up in such a way that even when you’re tempted you don’t want it. Because you understand the effects it has on you.And it was only after not getting what I wanted did I finally get what I deserved. I wish I could tell you that you won’t have any more toxic relationships. I wish I could find you all of the non-toxic humans in the world and send them to your doorstep. but that’s far from the truth. all you can do now is breathe,Really. When you open that window and crawl through, away from toxicity, the air is unbelievably sweet. You turn your cheek to the sun and inhale. You feel your own limbs, powerful and true.
The air will never taste good again. Breathe deep—this is worth it. Take your time out for healing. Be kind to yourself. Any transition bears some discomfort, so be patient. Give it time.