Quick Question, Why Are First Times So Damn Important?

By: Mariam Abdelrazek

First times are important and there’s no denying that. In fact, they’re so important that you probably don’t care which first time I’m talking about because you know that they all matter. They’re all something. They’re remembered and they affect us and how we view that experience for the rest of our lives. We’re obsessed with firsts. They have to be planned, organized and remembered. That’s why they matter. That’s why they’re important; because they are remembered – and we don’t want to remember something bad, do we? 

(In case it’s not clear enough, when I say first time, I mean first time having sex. You can interpret in a different context if you like, though)

Logically speaking, if your first time doing pretty much anything was horrible, you’ll probably feel like you’re not good at this. Consequently, you won’t want to do it again because you basically suck at it – at least for now – and how can you improve when you won’t even try again? You can’t. So, you’re stuck in this phase where you’re really bad at this thing and won’t get any better. You’re just trapped in a box that your mind designed. Especially with a sensitive topic like sex where it is portrayed as a perfect and pleasant experience. If you mess up, you’ll feel like you’re the black sheep. The only one who does it wrong when others clearly know how to perfect it, so you won’t want to do it again because who wants to do something they’re not good at – I’m sorry, something they think that they’re not good enough at.

On the other hand, if your first time is, I wouldn’t say perfect but like as good as you want it to be or as you expected, you’ll probably feel encouraged and want to do it again. Or at least, you’ll feel good about the whole ordeal and you wouldn’t mind engaging in the act again. All these things that I just mentioned equals great sex life if added together. 

Also, we can’t just put aside the fact that we’ve grown up feeling like first times have to be absolute perfection, through movies and books and maybe even our parents or friends or whatever. There’s this picture that our mind painted and if the reality does not look like that picture, we’re disappointed and we’ll remember that experience as a complete and utter nightmare; affecting how we react when the topic is brought up, is actually happening or thought about. Thus, affecting us and our lives greatly. 

To cut things short, first times matter because before them, there is no opinion that your mind formed about the situation. However, after, you’ve got a pretty clear image or perception of it due to your experience leading to either complete dissatisfaction or complete liking or just plain not caring about the whole ordeal because it was just ‘normal’, whatever normal means to you. So it’s basically just a mind game. It goes without saying that we don’t like remembering bad situations and first times are remembered so we don’t want to remember a bad first time. Therefore, we try as much as possible to make first times as good as possible to have a nice memory of it so when we think back to the situation, we’re not affected by it. 

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