I’m one of those girls who knows a lot of couples but never had a relationship of her own. So I guess I’ve witnessed most types of convos that occur between a couple. And let’s be honest, perhaps I’ve never really felt the need to have a relationship of my own because of the monotonic convos couples have or maybe it’s the toxicity of having a relationship revolving around gossip. I’ve always thought perhaps that’s what couples are like and perhaps conversations between couples in movies and tv shows are just like everything else they put out into the world, fake.
Most couples I know just talk about their mutual friends, school, and annoying teachers, they basically gossip their way through their short-lived relationship. And then they question why the hell their relationships never pass the one month mark. Here’s why, you guys need actual conversations. And let me tell you, this not only applies to teenagers and 20-ish-year-olds but also married adults, people with 20-year-old kids. People forget themselves and their conversation skills.
Their world start to revolve around others and all of a sudden, their world collapses and they don’t even know why. Stop talking about people’s lives and talk about yours, talk about your hopes and dreams, talk about your beliefs, talk about food, talk about traveling the world together, talk about where you want this to go. Do you want this date to be a one-time thing or do you want it to be a ritual? Do you want to keep dating till uni then break up because you realized that the world is bigger than your school’s campus? Or do you want to date for the sake of having someone by your side to support you and love you?
Despite what you might be thinking, dates are also not only about conversations. It’s about knowing the person you’re spending time with, and knowing how they’d react to certain situations and knowing what they’re going to respond with to whatever you’ve said. Going on dates is basically the key to thinking “oh I know him/her and they’d never do that” or “ oh my god, that is so them”. It’s the key to knowing a million percent what their reaction will be when they hear about something. It’s about building the foundation you need to keep the relationship going.
Go to a 5 star restaurant or go get a cup of coffee from Starbucks, do whatever you think is fitting as long as you actually communicate your thoughts and feelings. Take a class together, for example, pottery or cooking. Try out a sport, like tennis or ping-pong. Go out with each other’s friends. Get together with your families. Go on a day-long roadtrip. Actually invest time, energy, and effort into learning about your partner – not just their issues with their parents or their insecurities.
Find out what makes their blood pump and their skin flush with joy. Find out what triggers them into withdrawing and what makes them rant and rave in rage. Find out what makes their sadness ebb, their forgiveness sneak up, and their inner-child come to the surface. Get to know your partner, as they are, you don’t love a person despite their flaws, you love a person with their flaws. Go on date-dates, please, you’ll see a difference.
Change things up a little just so you could keep your relationship alive.