Everyone experiences sexual fantasies. Sexual fantasies can vary from really innocent and vanilla like to illegal and just downright morally wrong. But that’s okay. Your fantasies are valid- no matter how fucked up they might seem to you. Both your innocent and illegal fantasies and all the stuff in between are okay as long as it stays a fantasy or if your partner consents at least.
Just because you fantasized about something doesn’t mean you necessarily have to act it out. For instance- you keep daydreaming about a certain type of role play and it just seems so perfect and steamy as hell. So you think that re-enacting it will probably be ten times better cause then you’ll be able to actually feel the pleasure. When it comes to it you realize that it wasn’t how you pictured it. The person you did it with wasn’t the person you had in mind- the role play went in a different way then you planned it. It just ruins your whole fantasy because the reality wasn’t as good. That’s why if you want to take that step you have to keep your mind open and accepting to different scenarios- just because it wasn’t the scenario you imagined doesn’t mean that it won’t surprisingly satisfy you.
A fantasy doesn’t define who you are. If you’re a girl and you fantasize about being sexually intimate with another girl – it doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re a lesbian. Same thing for guys. It just means you’re curious. You don’t have to act upon it unless you’re comfortable with that idea and you sure as hell don’t have to label yourself when it’s only a fantasy. A fantasy is an image your mind makes up to satisfy your curiosity. Now some people are going to say “well, curiosity killed the cat.”. All I’m going to say is that satisfaction brought it back. People shouldn’t be ashamed of their curiosity it’s a natural born instinct and it has benefited us more than it has harmed us.
As usual when there is sex there has to be consent. You just can’t have sex without consent; it’s not called sex anymore- it’s rape. When it comes to acting out your fantasies out you HAVE to ask for your partners consent. Your partner’s consent is your key to acting out your fantasies and expressing your fetishes- but if they say no, stop, their safe word or anything that would usually translate to no then you stop. Doesn’t matter if they said that half way or that they fully consented in the beginning- if they express their need to stop you immediately have to stop.
The difference between a fetish and a fantasy is that you need to ask for consent when it comes to a fetish, but when it comes to a fantasy there’s no need as long as the fantasy stays in your mind.
Just because you wanna act on a fantasy doesn’t mean you have to make it literal. If your fantasy is to be with an authoritative figure (cop, teacher, doctor, etc.) it doesn’t mean you will only be satisfied with an authoritative figure- no you can date just about anyone else and role play that fantasy with them after asking for their consent. You don’t have to take your fantasies literally they’re not meant to be literal most of the time.
Which also brings me to my second point. When you fantasize about something it doesn’t mean you’d actually enjoy it in real life. If you have a fantasy about being kidnapped or something along the lines of Stockholm syndrome it doesn’t actually mean you’d enjoy getting kidnapped in real life. It just means that you enjoy the thought and rush of the fantasy that you made up. But if you’re into it- there’s always role play.
Everyone has different fantasies and that’s cool. Some weirder and more dangerous than others. And no matter how odd you think your fantasy is, trust me, it might actually be more common than you think. People think of this subject as something taboo that can never be talked about- even to your partner. But this subject is really relatable and almost everyone has pretty weird daydreams/fantasies. As long as they stay fantasies or as long as you get your partners consent- then there’s nothing to be ashamed of. Treating someone horribly because of a fetish or a fantasy is a shitty thing to do, because even if you don’t wanna admit it everyone has some pretty fucked up fantasies.