She Isn’t Shy, She Isn’t Playing Hard to Get, Her “No” Means “NO”

By: Jumana

So, I was flipping through Quora, no clue why, and I saw this reply to a statement about guys’ aggressiveness? And determination? In the dating scene, I mean, and I copied and pasted it cause boy do I have some stuff to say about that. 

Let’s say two consenting adults are making out. The guy tries to take it to the next step, and she says no. But she stays in his house making out with him. 1/2 hour later, she leaves. He knows that in today’s climate he has to protect himself, so he walks her to her car and says goodnight.

Next weekend, same thing. Making out, he tries to reach down to undo her jeans. She shrieks and jumps up. He has no idea what he has done wrong. She got her period and doesn’t want to tell him. So she doesn’t say anything, or she blames him for being too aggressive. “Things are just moving too fast.”

Because women send mixed signals like this, men have developed a one-dimensional approach. Keep trying. Men are programmed to reproduce. Women are programmed to select the man with the best DNA.

Also, let’s look at the double standard. Men face fewer consequences for having sex. We can’t get pregnant. We don’t get STDs as easily as women. And having a lot of partners for men is cool. It’s not for women. So women are programmed to say no while men are programmed to keep trying.

How about trying something new? How about being grateful for your male ancestors who could not take no for an answer? While you are in control of your body, you can still appreciate the way in which nature (or God) created men to want to produce children.” 

You know what I think though? Yes, of course many women send very mixed signals, one’s that yes, may excuse you being confused and not taking no for an answer, cause one day she likes you and the next she doesn’t? I’d be confused too, but that isn’t what this is about. This is about men’s entitlement. 

The fact that when I tell a man no, or that I’m not interested, they don’t even consider the fact that I may actually genuinely not be interested in them, no, their mind goes straight to “she’s just shy, but I have to convince her.” 

Like, honey, she said no. Don’t be a dick. When someone says no, and they mean it, then it’s a no, back off. Assertiveness isn’t “cool” and it certainly isn’t romantic. 

Just because I’m friends with you, or I “seem” like I like you, and you ask me out and I tell you no, then I’m playing it cool, or playing hard to get. I can’t count the number of times I’ve told a guy no and he just thought it was because I was shy or that I was worried about what my parents would think, and I definitely think that it’s because of the way so many guys are raised. I’m really not trying to critique the parents or whatever (I totally am) but letting things slide and raising your kids to be extremely dominant (because toxic masculinity hello) and determined to get what they want no matter what and just saying “boys will be boys” is really. Not. The. Fucking. Way. To. Raise. A. Boy. 

And come on, don’t get me started on the double standard of guys. She said yes? Damn, she must be a slut. Like, they expect a yes, and when they actually get it, you’re deemed unworthy? Mesh mo7tarama? 

Honestly, that just means one thing. Stop fucking judging women. If you like a girl, shoot your shot, respectfully, if you don’t like a girl, don’t shame her for being, well, herself.  



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