We are surrounded by couples. Seriously, there is no escape. Whether you be in school, at work, or in the street, you’re bound to come across more than a few, and that’s great. You know, it shows that there’s hope, I guess, if so many people have found someone. At least, sometimes it does. Until insecurities kick in. One minute you’re watching your friends finding someone one by one, and feeling happy for them. The next you’re wondering when that will happen for you. If it ever will.
How is someone going to love you if you’re having trouble loving yourself? If, when you look at yourself, your first instinct is to list out your flaws-one by one, in excruciating detail-how are you supposed to love someone else despite theirs? To have that person love you despite them? If you label yourself as ‘not good enough’ then are you just dooming yourself to a lifetime of loneliness?
So you’re watching television and you see your favourite couple run into each others’ arms. Stiles just saved Lydia from Eichen House and she’s looking at him the same way he’s always looked at her. Chandler just proposed to Monica, and Rachel got off the plane. Elena and Damon are proclaiming their love for each other, and Stefan is slowly but surely falling for Caroline. Landon helped Jamie stand in two places at once. Get the picture? Because it’s not enough that you see real people together, but you’re also constantly watching fictional characters finding their happily ever afters and gaining unrealistic expectations of love.
You’re wondering how you’re ever gonna find a guy like Stiles-the literal loml, btw-when you’re so painfully different from Lydia Martin. You are chasing the fantasy of love because you’ve been conditioned into believing that it is an essential factor for a happy life.
You’re looking at your friends and wondering how they did it. And that doesn’t make you a bad person, because you know that your friends are amazing in their own right and you love them and you’re proud of them. Still, a part of you keeps nagging-what if I never have that? Naturally, you start to back away from your friends. You feel bad, but it’s kind of getting too much. Here’s what could help: you could spend more time with your single friends. It’ll help remember that you’re not the only person who’s not in a relationship.
Not only that, but it could help you regain any self-esteem that may have dropped. Before you know it, you’re getting comfortable with the single life. You feel great in your own skin again, and a lot less awkward around your couple friends. Some people end up finding their significant other after they’ve given themselves time to focus on themselves.
You’re enough. Hell, you’re more than enough. You’re amazing. Just because society pressures people to pair up doesn’t mean you’re incomplete if you’re not in a relationship. If you feel okay without being in one, then that’s great. If you don’t, then that’s okay too. It’s fine if it takes some time. But it is important to know that everyone has insecurities, and that people find love despite them. Just because you haven’t found ‘the one’ doesn’t mean you never will. It doesn’t matter if you’ve been told that you’re too loud, too quiet, too tall, too short, too fat, too thin, too dumb or too smart. It doesn’t matter if at some point you believed any of that, or if you repeated that to yourself often. It only matters that you recognize your own importance. That you were born a beautiful baby, like everyone else.
Only you decide whether or not you’re good enough. Only you are capable of allowing that criticism to affect you. You decide whether or not to accept it as truth or as bullshit. You give someone that power over you. And if you accept these terrible words as truth, even if you don’t show it, then they’ve already won. You need to try and love yourself first before you can love someone else; although you can still find love despite your insecurities. Everyone’s got something they’re insecure about. If I listed my insecurities it’d probably end up being the same word count as this article. But we need to overcome them. People fall in love with someone when they accept them and their flaws-not just their perks. One day someone will find the things you dislike about yourself just as endearing as the things you like. They’ll see your loud voice as a tool you use to stand up for others, they’ll view your laugh lines and remember your bright smile, and you being a smartass could help with many situations, even if it could get you in trouble sometimes.
So, yeah, you are absolutely, certainly, most definitely good enough. And no, you will not be single forever-not unless you want to be. You are fine just the way you are. You’ll find someone who thinks so, and you’ll see that about them too. Until then, just hold on.