I’ve kinda been single my whole life- not kinda, certainly. But I have never felt an impact up until now; my teenage years. Where almost everyone around me is in a lovey-dovey relationship while I’m single or alone, however you like to put it. While I’m definitely single by choice, I love doing simple things that make me feel whole without a lover and here they are.
Something that actually makes the biggest difference is getting a pet, but not a fish or a bird that’ll remain in their habitat, but a dog or a cat that probably won’t leave your side whatever happens. On top of that, they’ll help you go for your daily walk that you haven’t been on the past month.
Have self-care-Saturdays. My Saturday is a ritual and so should yours be too. I like to wake up early way before anyone else does, make a nice cup of whatever-type-of tea I fancy and take it to the balcony. I have plants so I take care of them and I’ll just sit and count everything I’m grateful for. I believe most people forget gratitude which is a mess if I’m honest. This is what keeps you going: your health, your land, the love you’re given, and the strength to be able to get up every day.
Prepare a warm bath and go all on with aromatics and bath salts. Get a snack -a healthy yet sweet one- grapes or a fruit salad even and get a drink too. I really encourage you get a nice glass of cold water and reach for a fancy glass; a wine glass or a tall champagne flute. Set the mood by lighting candles and preparing a nice body-care routine. Be sensual and get to know yourself, the depths of you.
Treat yourself to a pedicure with a professional that’ll make you feel rejuvenated. It’s amazing how these simple acts can do so much. Men, go get a hair cut or dye your beard or get a facial; this goes for you too!
Don’t just stop there, make your way to your favourite restaurant, the one you’ve been waiting on your friends to go to. You don’t need your friends for a day out you need to be comfortable with you.
This is so important and discussed a lot yet barely anyone has reached it. Be okay with being alone. You sitting in your room alone working or watching a movie is not lonely and it sure as hell isn’t depressing either. On the long run, it’s only going to be you. If you want to actually go after your dreams then you’re going to choose the country that’s going to benefit your growth and perseverance. You’re going to choose the college that’s ranked highest in what you’ve desperately been trying to major in. You’re not going to choose the country where you’re going to take a couple of silly pictures with gelato and friends, nor the uni that literally everyone in your grade got accepted to. And if you do, so help you God.
You need to love yourself the way you are now. Not how you will be in 5 years when you’ve reached mental stability (if you do) and not when you have that banging body you’ve always wished for. You love yourself now. With that scar under your eye that compliments those dark circles that have been sitting there for as long as you can remember that people don’t even notice it because they’ve gotten used to it. You love yourself with all the burns on your arms from when you wanted to showcase your affection with a nice batch of fresh and warm cookies or the ones you got when you bumped into a friend that was holding a cigarette. You love yourself with your thick thighs that are decorated all around with stretch marks that appeared because your body wanted to make more room for you to exist. You love yourself with your not-so-flat stomach; the one laying on your lap as you’re reading this. The one that also has fresh stretch marks and cellulite on your hips; that are still red and still a bit swollen. The one you hate so much. You love yourself with your crooked smile and the freckles that cover the entirety of your lips. It’s okay, you’re okay. And you are absolutely beautiful. I know you have trouble sleeping at night because you’re mind-set and thoughts are so much different than others. I know you feel detached because you can never find liberty and capacity to speak about your own beliefs. I know you’re silenced and I know you feel like you just want a break from all these battles you’re constantly fighting; I know you want to be just like everyone else for a breath. I know it’s hard. But I know you can never be because your voice can move mountains.
With shortness of breath, I’ll explain the infinite. How rare and beautiful it is to even exist.
You don’t need a significant other to be whole. Your lover isn’t your “other half” you shouldn’t be needing a half in the first place. Having a lover is surely blissful -well I think because what do I know anyways- but being single is fun and you get to do whatever the fuck you wanna do.
You get to have a summer fling, two even! And you get to have a winter fling if you please. You get to flirt around and wink when you please. I love being flirtatious all the time and guess what? That doesn’t make me a “whore” or a “slut” these social constructs are non-existent. I’m young, I’m carefree, and I’m having fun. If that makes me scandalous and controversial then so be it.
So happy to say this again,
I leave you with health, healing, hippie love, and this time, scandals.