What’s Really Happening When You’re Yelling “AYWA YA MAMA BAZAKER”

By: Mariam Abdelrazek

A7la 7aga fel donia enak tekhosh el oda, te2fel el bab w t3eesh 7ayatak mangheir waga3 demagh. No little brothers and sisters running around or teasing us all the time, making us want to rip our heads – and theirs – off. No mum’s voice whining about how you haven’t cleaned the dishes yet or how you’ve been doing nothing all day but hold the phone on the couch. Bas tab3an, as we all know extremely well, el 7aga el 7elwa betekhlas besor3a…

Fag2a mama betefta7 bab el oda and…yes – you guessed it – leiltak soda ya 7abeeby.

We all know that once we close the door to heaven (AKA bab el oda) suspicions start to arise, in other words, the question ‘2afel’2afla bab el oda 3ala nafsak/nafsek leh?’ and of course, we all hide behind ‘shama3et’ I’M STUDYING! Which is actually a code for; I’m texting my best friend/ stalking my crush / reading on wattpad/binging some Netflix show/ gaming/ listening to some new music/ arranging an outing etcetera etcetera…y’all know the drill.  

Scene one, take one, ACTION!

Before we start, let’s call our main character Ahmed shall we?

Ahmed’s back from school and has loads of lessons to catch up on. Being the star student he is, Hamada takes out his books with every intention to study. When he comes across the English book, he remembers that girl in his English class. Dude, she was so pretty, they made eye-contact a couple of times, what does that mean? Ahmed opens Instagram. Specifically the account of one of the popular kids in his school, yes, there it is, of course she follows him. Who wouldn’t like him anyways? The athletic guy with the big biceps. Anyways, moving to the girls account. She looks nice. Pretty, but not mean, I think I have a chance. I mean, she looked peaceful today – so innocent and pure. Yeah, we’d totally make a good couple. 

‘BTEZAKER Y’AHMED?’ 

‘AHH YA MAMA BAZAKER,’ replied Ahmed after scrolling through her last post from 2015. 

‘WESELT LA7AD FEIN?’ she asked and instantly activated the element of surprise – opening the door simultaneously. 

No one saw Ahmed for the next 37 days. 

Scene two, take one, ACTION!

Laila is our guest of honor this scene alright? Alright. 

‘Okay, I got this,’ Laila whispered to herself eyeing her to-do list. ‘mashy, first things first, yalla beena 3al math,’ she opens her textbooks and goes to the kitchen to grab some donuts. If we’re going to study, at least do it right. Happy tummy = happy life = good mood for studying. Laila reaches for her donut to find it’s already finished. W malo, fi tany fel tallaga. Laila grabs another donut and oops, also finished this one. Still no problem, Laila goes to the kitchen, grabs the entire box of donuts and settles it on her desk. 

‘tab ezay hakteb w akol b nafs el eed?’ she sighs ‘ yeb2a akhalas el donuts el awal and then I can start studying’

Three hours later, Laila khalaset el donuts wel cinabbon w harabet 7alet el ma7shy – that is supposed to be the entire house’s lunch tomorrow – into her room. 

Mid-ma7shy eating, Laila heard her mum yell ‘BETZAKRY YA LAILA?’

Laila swallowed and answered ‘AYWA YA MAMA BAZAKER!’ 

‘LAILA HOWA 7ALET EL MA7SHY RA7ET FEIN?’ 

Oops. 

Scene three, take 219, ACTION!

Karim. 

Karim is – to cut it short – the badboy. Yes, el saye3 el daye3. 

Karim wants to become a  doctor. He was even more encouraged when he told his father what he wanted and of course, his father made fun of him and told him ‘enta akhrak tegara,’ 

Don’t get me wrong, Karim studies, more than anyone his age for that matter. He just makes sure no one witnesses him studying so that he doesn’t end up being ‘the nerd’. Yup, Kimo’s very insecure. Anyways, he’s been studying for hours and thought he’d take a little break. What was that movie everyone was talking about? Midnight Sun? aywa howa da. Shaklo film faksan w bta3 banat bas aho we’re passing time. Two hours later, Karim is sobbing as Bella Thorne utters her last words. 

 ‘BETZAKER WALA ZAY KOL YOUM?’ came his mother’s voice. Karim quickly closed the laptop, cleared his throat and re-opened his books.

‘AWYA YA MAMA OLTELIK BAZAKER!’

‘MOTA2AKED ENAK BETZA-‘ she opened the door and stopped mid-sentence. ’Karim enta bet3ayat?’

‘YA MAMA OLTELIK 100 MARA KHABATY ABL MA TKHOSHY!!’

*** 

I honestly can’t understand how mothers choose the perfect timing to burst our bubble. I honestly can’t. Now, I hate to cut this short but, I have to go before I end up like Ahmed.

Study well kids,

Mariam

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