When a friend trusts you with an intimate secret about themselves, one that makes you feel shocked and goes against your morals, do you out them?
No. No you don’t.
Hold up though. Allow me to let you in on a little secret. If you asked me the same question 3 years ago, I’d probably tell you that yes, I’d probably out them.
Listen, I hate to sound cliché but I’m kind of different from the people I know. I have policies that I’d hate to cross and ones who’d probably result in others calling me “Mo3akada” . That’s not my point though, I don’t give a sh*t . The thing is, years ago, I had minimum exposure to umm…life? I wasn’t even aware that people who are unlike me exist, which made me very childish but it’s okay because ehm, I was a child. Back to my point. So, basically, I didn’t accept anything or anyone who does something against my morals, I wouldn’t even have wanted to be around them.
My best friend used to call me judge-mental and childish and I used to cry about it. I used to refuse believing than she possibly made some sense and that was what changed me.
Years later, not a child anymore, 90% of the people I know come to me. Not for advice, I’m not sure if I’m good at that, but for a listener. Might not be a psychology guru, might not have analytical skills but I damn well listen to people and I’ve learnt not to judge for even one bit.
Let’s set up a hypothetical scenario. Your friend comes up and tells you about whatever messed up thing he/she did. Big or small, sin or not, it has you in shock. Has you internally freaked out. You have three options:
1-You lash out on them, tell themHow wrong it is and how bad they should feel.
2- You give in your advice, tell them you disagree with them but calmly and listen to know how they feel and what they’ll do without enforcing any if your personal views or giving them sh*t for it.
3- Not even flinching.
I’m pretty sure there are plenty of other combinations for your reaction but these are what I have in mind right now. I’m trying to be honest with you so I’m, again, admitting that I used to be a scenario 1 person, but I came to a realization that scenario 2 is the best you can do. (Unintentional rhyme)
A week ago I was casually talking with my baba about almost everything. He told me something I’ve realized a while ago but failed to ever put in a sentence.
Don’t neglect your opinion, you have a right to find a situation or an action a person took right or wrong (to you), but you have absolutely no right to call this person a bad or a good one based on it or on anything.
Back to this person telling you they screwed up. This personal is most probably talking to you from the most vulnerable side of them so you have the perfect chance to call them out.
Chill though, here’s why you shouldn’t:
First and foremost, your criteria of “a right thing” is for sure different than anyone else’s. You have the right to set your own policies but it doesn’t give you the right to judge others’. Say you usually do a certain course of action, lets call it X. This action, to you, is very okay. To another person, it is completely unacceptable and to a third person, it’s nothing compared to what they do. This doesn’t make you or any of the two other people wrong, it only makes all of you right.
I’m not seeing a halo no where near your head, so yeah, you made abd still make mistakes. Why are you so surprised that this person did too? Yeah, maybe you make mistakes at different extents but they’re still mistakes so it doesn’t matter. What happened is in the past, as cliché as it sounds. What matters is now. How this person feels, what this person will do and how you react. When a person comes up to you with a confession, they’re looking for comfort and reassurance not criticism and punishment. Give them your advice but lay it down slowly.
So yeah, if someone does something against my morals, do I call them out?
No, No I don’t.
Don’t freak out, it’s not the end of the world. And even if it is…where would that get you?