There she is staring at her naked body, her eyes fixed on her curves. She is pivoting her body trying to find the best pose- one where she looks sexy meanwhile hiding her insecurities as much as possible. Occasionally changing the lighting trying to make it better, so she would look “better”. She is trying to focus on what is arguably the best part of her body- her breasts. She is petrified, excited and distressed.
Is this picture good enough?
Does it make my thighs look too fat? Does it make my ass look fat?
Will he like it? Or will he not?
Should I even send this?
She finally takes a photo she thinks is good enough, she presses the send button and here goes everything. He praises her body and sends her photos as well. From this point on it’s boners, masturbation, and orgasms. Two people go to bed satisfied.
But, the thing with nudes is that it rarely ends there. Not every person is trustworthy enough. Not everyone is mature enough to realize that they have been trusted with these photos and they were sent to them as verification of trust.
Now, I have seen people worthy of that trust- who understand that they have been sent these photographs in good intentions. Hence, they act accordingly. Respect.
However, on the contrary, I have also seen girls who share their friends’ nudes. I have seen guys showing off the collection in their gallery, like sick animals to their friends as if they own these photos completely disrespecting the person that sent them and disregarding the fact that they have been given these photos in confidence. I have heard those same guys critique and nit-pick women’s bodies comparing them to each other and rating them- it was sick. Imagine this:
A group of guys sitting in a roundtable maybe four or five- it doesn’t matter, and accompanying them are two girls. One of those girls happen to have some of her friends’ nudes on her phone and one of the guys knows about that, and the other girl happens to be me. One of the guys shows off the fact that he’s seen every girls’ nudes but *insert name*. He then goes on to ask the girl who he knows has those nudes to show him, even though she initially resists she ends up showing him anyways. The excuse, or what she says to justify that action is that it was only one photo. I was shocked.
The conversation carries on. Still, on the topic of nudes. Now, it’s time to nit-pick and critique.
“Oh hell yeah *name* has the biggest nipples like what the actual fuck they are huuugeeee!”
And, more statements which are similar to this one and worse. Honestly, I found the conversation quite disturbing and disgusting, so I did try to change the topic but failed which sucked (p.s I did manage to run away though). But, I had to ask why they were having this conversation because it was infuriating to see boys metaphorically stepping on women like this and comparing their bodies. The response was: “WE ALWAYS TALK ABOUT NUDES?!”
Me (distressed): okay.
As much as I hate to say this but once you send a photo to any domain on the internet this photo no longer belongs to you because you have no idea if that person is trustworthy enough, or honest enough Yes, the photo is yours. And, if the person you sent the photo to happens to have any moral compass they will keep it to themselves and value your trust, and even though otherwise if they choose to distribute the photos, threaten you with them or show them to their friends then they are sick bastards. But, for your own sake, you got to be super cautious. Trust me these words are not coming from anywhere.
Let me tell you another story:
A girl sends a guy photos of her body and an erotic video on snapchat. Now, he knows if he screen records or screenshots she will know, so instead, he gets another device and records everything she is sending him. And, then he sends those photos/videos on a group with twenty-one participants. I have never lost so much respect for a person.
Being super cautious is your way of acknowledging that these things happen out there. It is not you justifying those actions or catering to them, but it’s simply you protecting yourself from them. You should not mix those two up.
Sending nudes is your decision I am not telling you not to send them I am telling you to think about sending nudes. And, not in a way of if I don’t someone else will. I do not think I have to say this but no one should force you to send photos, and I mean ever! If you want to take photos of yourself because it’s empowering because you want to have that sort of sexual link between you and your partner then, yes. But, otherwise, no matter how many times you are begged know it’s your choice. This is not a relationship if it will only work if you send pictures.
I told you why should be super cautious so I will stop blabbing about that because I think you get the point. Now, I will move on to how to be cautious- kind of like DOs and DONTs when it comes to nudes.
Disclaimer: IT HAS TO BE CONSENSUAL
1. Use services such as snapchat which will not enable them to save the pictures and proceed to use them against you.
2. Send photos of yourself and not anyone else. Don’t catfish.
1. Do not send photos to a lot of people. i.e not every one of your friends has to rate them you will lose count on who has and who doesn’t have pictures. It also increases the chances of leaking.
2. Try to avoid having your face in the picture
3. Try to avoid sending pictures with noticeable features about you. i.e a birthmark/tattoo or unique piercing
4. For the love of God don’t make hardcopies
5. Do not penalize your partner and deliberately distrust them on other people’s actions.