Eid is coming up and – naturally – so are 3ozoomat, feasts and (un)bearable family gatherings – a house full of people you mostly do not know that well, or at all in some cases, who happen to know your parents and are coming ready to analyze and interview you. Also, for all IG students, our results are the third day of eid so good luck to us. Anyways, eid gatherings are the perfect opportunity for all these vipers (and I do mean that in the best way possible) to gather enough material to make assumptions, and gossip about you and everyone else for that matter. For them, it’s like attending a VIP party with a bunch of celebrities.
There is this girl, she is my mum’s cousin, and oh my god she doesn’t stop attacking you with questions if you are seated next to her, it’s like you just fell into the hot seat.
“What creams do you use?”
“Which gym do you go to?”
“Where did you go when you went to Paris?”
and, it goes on…
You get my point, but of course, we both know that’s only one type of the attacks.
So, for the sake of eid and the 3ozoomat, I am going to list 5 etiquette rules for 3azayem, and forward 3ala group el 3eila.
Stop with the “Kol aktar, wala el akl ma3agabaksh”
For whoever is cooking, trust me when I tell you the amount of food on the dining table is marvellous and so is the amount you put on my plate so trust me when I say I am full I mean it full-heartedly. Asl, ana akalt leghayet ma shebe3t w ba3diha bardo kamelt akl 3ashan el akl 7elw awii. Tafasa ba2a!
Don’t shame the vegans/vegetarians
I know this is “eid el la7ma” but, if you have a vegan or a vegetarian in your family, you do not have to force them to eat the meat because they won’t, wala 7atta el fera5.
Msh lazem el comments bta3et:
“Fi 7ad mayakolsh la7ma?”
3ashan walahy fi. Trust me they do not have a problem, they are not sick they just do not like them or made a choice to not eat certain food so maybe be supportive of that. If you know who’s cooking and you know you have a vegan or vegetarian cousin tell your mum, grandma, aunt to make them something they would eat.
Refrain from calling out someone on their weight
Ughhhh. I bet you’re thinking of that one aunt who always goes:
“Eih dah tekhenty awii”
“Eih dah enty malek khasa w bahtana keda leh?”
Bgad ya gama3a el ra7ma. Like please tell me more about my body, tell me more about my thighs who got a bit bigger since the last time I saw you two years ago because I have not noticed. Please, stop emotionally scarring all of these kids ya tant because such comments are one of the reasons children grow up to become teenagers with eating disorders and body dysmorphia.
You do not know if that person you are calling out for looking pale and thin is anorexic.
Or, if the person that you called “too fat” has been trying to lose weight for three months (or 5 months) and has already lost five kilos.
You do not know, and so it’s as simple as please stop inflicting your opinion on people’s bodies because they are unasked for.
We will all be beyond thankful.
Do not ask when they plan to get married
If you have a 30+-year-old bachelor, or a 26+-year-old bachelorette you are bound to hear them get asked about their wedding plans because they are just going into the danger zone age-wise. I personally know that because I have a 31-year-old uncle w mebahdileno el so2al dah. And, it’s honestly irritating because they want it to be gawaz salonat w khalas. Like honey, bgad none of your business.
And, can we please not use the word ‘3annes’ 3ashan bgad 3eib keda ya3nii.
P.s I never understand why 3obalek goes to 16-year-olds and 5-year-olds and everyone in between; bas mashi.
Forcing your nieces, nephews, grandchildren or anyone for that matter to study engineering or medicine… please stop?
Engineering and medicine seem to be the only choices for you in an Egyptian household especially if you are smart. I mean there is no third choice, I mean no choice at all. It’s a question of are you more into physics or biology and accordingly you pick either medicine or engineering- e5las? If you slip a bit pharmacology. Which really doesn’t make any sense. I mean Egypt alone has three times the rate of students enrolling in pharmacology courses than the entire world because of the so-called “prestige” that comes from studying in koleyet el kema as we call it.
If there is a niece/nephew who’s going to their final year you do not have to drill the idea of medicine into their brain and make them feel as if it’s the only way to go. I mean, for heaven’s sake leave that for their mother- she already does that enough.
Anyways, happy eid and despite all of these things which I wish could change I do guess el lama 7elwa, and the food is heavenly. And, there is always one or two who you really like so just stick by them and you are guaranteed 60% safety.
Enjoy the festivities and the ma3arek,
P.S casually inspired by @themeemshop
P.S.S photo credits to them too ^^