By: Aisha El Shamy
Breaking up is inevitable and it sucks. It really does. Especially for the one who has been dumped. The post-breakup differs from her to him though. They both pass through the same stages but reversed.
Before any breakup there is a period of time where coldness and avoidance show up. The time when you have to take the decision that was never welcomed. The time when you’re taking a decision that will hurt your relationship while desperately trying to retrieve it.
This period of time is when your relationship is already dead. It’s when you know you’re over but you’re searching for a spark of hope that might save the relationship. Unfortunately, by that time you have no energy to search for the spark and you’re already turned off. This is when you can officially call it ‘quitting on the person I thought I’d grow old with’.
Once the breakup has been decided she will start to cry as if it’s the end of the world. She will watch the memories while drowning in to a puddle of tears. Meanwhile he will be on his way to his friends listening to music. All he’s going to think about is that it’s her loss not his.
She will try to hold her tears but as soon as something reminds her of him she’ll keep crying until her eyes turn red. She can feel her heart break into pieces. The bitter sweet memories will keep haunting her. While she is going through their memory album, he will be socializing. He thinks that he lost something that made him unhappy and stressed thats when he’ll go out searching for happiness. This is why most guys would start talking to girls after a breakup. Since they wont be talking to the person they’ve got used to talk to all day, they’ll go looking for that in another person.
She might see him with other girls, which will driver her crazy. She will see him partying with his friends thinking that he has already moved on. She will start to go in denial, where she’ll believe that everything around her seems like a dream. She might even think that he still has feelings for her and there’s hope. She might even wait for a message hoping that he’s willing to fix everything. She still has hope. And where is he? Out with his friends seeming as if he doesn’t care; which might be true. Usually not though.
There comes a point where she’ll be done being upset over something she cant change. All her feelings will turn into anger. DID HE EVEN LOVE ME? AFTER ALL OF THE PROMISES HE PROMISED HE LEFT! The anger helps her to get over him because it’ll show her that it isn’t worth another shed of her tears ( even though it’s not true ). By that time he’ll start realizing what he lost. He will start to stalk her and the memories will hit him like a wreaking ball. His friends wont let him be in that stage for long, they will constantly tell him that he’s better off without her, he’s happier, he’s less stressed and that there is a lot of fish in the sea and that she isn’t the last.
After receiving all signals from him that he’s over her and that he isn’t willing to get back, that he lost interest and feelings, she will start to realize that all the crying, the physical pain, the hurt and that she’s worth much more. She will realize that she has to move on. She will start to love herself more and take care of herself more. After what seemed forever, one day she’ll wakeup and she’ll find herself not missing him. She’ll find that the single life is actually way more fun than she thought it’d be. That she doesn’t need a man to be happy.
Now, at this phase, he will start missing her. Her smile, her voice, her scent, and how she made him happy. He will start regretting leaving her and not fixing what should’ve been fixed. It differs from a guy to another. This phase might last longer if she was truly the love of your life and this phase might last for a couple of days, it all depends on how long they’ve been together.
After all, its not the end of the world. They’ll both get over it. It’s not easy, the process of detachment and letting go is so hard. But the days will pass and hearts will be healed. You’ll hold yourself from saying ‘I miss you’ and you’ll move on.