“Just one kiss, I promise you, you’ll enjoy it”
“Enty labsa eh?”
“Tab wareeny shaklo eh 3aleeky”
“How about I take you somewhere nice”
“Balash tanaka ba2a”
It’s scary to think that in this moment in time we continue to have ‘men’ obliterating the sheer concepts of consent and peer pressure. It physically pains me when I get friends of mine confiding in me with stories about their boyfriends (I’m using the term loosely here) shaming them because they refuse to get intimate, which might I add is completely personal. It’s also a matter of everyone’s varying moral compasses.
Before I get into the nitty gritty details, you should know that your body, your mind and your soul, belong to nonother than you. Your femininity lies in your morals and beliefs not (and I repeat not!) in your ability to satisfy his needs. The time which you choose to get intimate with someone, be it with him and now, or your husband, ten, fifteen years from now, is also your choice to make. A relationship is not meant to change you, nor is it meant to make you whole. If you’re not comfortable enough to say no to your significant other, than he is in no way significant to begin with. Bottom line is, there is no obligation in the matter.
Now that the basics are out of the way, I suggest you take time out to truly analyse what is currently at hand; that hormone ridden boyfriend of yours. Someone had to say it and I’m sorry to be the one to break it to you. It’s not a crazy connection he has with you, it is not his undying love for you, it is also in no way shape or form the fact that he sees a bright future alongside you. Simply because if any of those things were true, then he would not be pressuring you in the first place, and that is a FACT. However, chances are, he’s already whispered countless sweet nothings in your ear in addition to convincing you that you’re the only person he has ever felt any of these ‘feelings’ he’s experiencing towards.
Here’s what I’m fearful of. I’m scared that you feel for this person who perhaps only wants you for your body. It is so easy to fall for words when you’re starved of attention and love. It is even easier to get caught up in the moment and completely wish you hadn’t been so stupid to think it was anything more. In the eyes of those around you, who in no way understand your position – you’re tainted. All for what? A relationship formed on the basis of childish innocence.
I feel for us girls. Not because I think we’re inferior, but because we’re treated as such. We’re natural born givers. Givers of affection, love and nurturing. Givers of time, care and compassion. Givers of hope, support and sympathy. So when we find a person who gives back one percent of what we’ve shared, we leap at the opportunity to be rewarded and praised for the giving we so selflessly throw about like confetti.
Love does not equal sex. It is not solely sexual pleasure and instant gratification. It is not someone who caters to your every beck and call. It is respect and appreciation. So if he’s pressuring you, which god forbid he is, don’t give in unless you are one hundred percent sure and aware of every repercussion. If he threatens you, exploits your weaknesses and vulnerable moments, if he blackmails you, if he dares to manipulate you, stand tall and fight back.
It’s not easy coming to the realisation that the one person whom you believed cared for you can hurt you, but you have to remember that the ones you love the most, can hurt you the most. If you have to end it then so be it, but living in torment is a form of mental abuse. Love is not all pain and sacrifices, it has its moments of glory and absolute glee. You are not trapped. Sex is not your escape or your way out, he won’t love you more if you set aside your beliefs to please him, that’s the sad reality.
It shouldn’t be this hard. Be brave and bold and honest and if it comes down to it, then heck, dump his sorry ass. No one is allowed to pressure you, especially when it comes to sex. Not unless you’re 100% convinced and consenting, which most of the time, we’re not, even when we tell ourselves we are.