There is so much information out there about love and how we can make love work. The one thing love brings us, is hope. We hope that our parents love us, we hope our friends see the good in us, and we hope we find lasting love with a partner that is sustaining and empowering.
It sounds easy, and yet so many of us either love, have fallen in love with, or have been loved by those who have/had no love for us in return. It was/is the hope that kept us locked in, trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. The differences between healthy love and manipulation are actually pretty simple and easy to recognize when your head is relatively out of their ass.
Love is clear and authentic most of the time, manipulation is quite the opposite. If you want one clear indication on if you’re in a healthy “crush phase” or not, ask one question; is this person straightforward or confusing?
The more confusing a person is, the more you have to guess about where you stand, the more you walk on eggshells, the more unhealthy the love is, and the less chance of survival the relationship has.
In healthy communication, nothing is withheld. Everything is out on the table, and partners/friends feel clear and comfortable in the dynamic. These relationships are full of love because there is room for it. When you’re being manipulated there is no room for love because it has been replaced with chaos. Wherever there is consistent confusion there can be no resolution, and therefore no love.
Let’s face it. You have a crush on some guy who’s a complete jerk to you and pretends to like you. Or some bitch girl who is emotionally unavailable and bored. For whatever reason, you can’t seem to pull away. That’s why you’re here.
All of a sudden, he/she’s constantly praising you. In almost everything you do, you get the praise reward, you start to swoon and your head spins with thoughts of how they are the greatest guy/girl on earth.
It’s not like praising someone is bad. No, not at all. In fact, it is one of the most important ways of showing appreciation and people love to be appreciated. But a close observer will find it peculiar that the praise frequency has increased. Hmmm.
With the sudden praising comes the fine art of comparison, he/she won’t directly table her demands, rather she will just tell you that you have done the same thing for her friends, neighbors, or some other person she knows. Don’t you get it? He/She’s telling you that they don’t want to be left out, and you know what? It works!
After they have manipulated you into whatever messed up shit they wanted you to do, they’ll most likely end up avoiding you afterwards.
You’ll start to wonder what you’re doing wrong or why they’re avoiding you after all you’ve been through, it is likely they mean it, they want to make you feel clueless and “tayha” keda.
Normally, most people only value something when they are about to lose it. So by presenting herself in that manner, she is sending you the warning that you are about to lose her. If she happens to be your “one in a million”, then you are in real trouble. This silence can even lead to serious emotional breakdown.
When someone makes you feel guilty about everything, you should leave.
When someone makes you believe what they want you to believe, you should leave.
When someone constantly makes fun of you and your insecurities, you should leave.
When someone makes you feel like their love is all you’ll ever have, you should leave.
Do what’s best for you and always take care of the red flags popping up in your way.