– “Mama howa fein bantaloony el boyfriend elly mesh ripped”
– “Sebteeh and abooky akher mara neseety?”
– “Wana akhrog be eh delwaaty?”
– “Wana mali, arfa testahly ashan ana oltellek matsebeesh hedoomek ando”
Sounds familiar? No?.. Ok
Divorce has recently become a very common phenomenon, and it’s nothing pitiful or bizarre now to be raised by a single parent/divorced parents. As traumatic and life changing as divorce is for parents, teenagers often struggle too. We are no longer young, and I guess we can agree that in some cases divorce is essential because sometimes living with one parent is better than living with two troubled parents in a constant warzone.
Although it may be needed, this does not contradict the fact that we as teenagers get vastly affected, and anyone who says otherwise is filled with self-serving crap. A divorce experience can haunt a teenager’s mind and control their emotions through numerous ways. The reason for getting the divorce itself always alters the teen’s mentality, leaving them with fears and issues.
The worst one of all is one parent leaving. We abruptly get a feeling that we’re being consumed by our inner demons, telling us that we’ll never be loved for who we are. Telling us that our own flesh and blood didn’t care enough to stay, so why would anyone else bother? Telling us so much shit that makes our souls suddenly feel crumpled and sick, our ability to trust is often the most shaken by the divorce process, and frankly, it’s nothing to be ashamed of. We lose trust in ourselves, in our current/ future partners, and most certainly in our parents not to mention the decisions they make for us.
What bites into our skin the most though, is the unwavering voice in our heads asking one hurtful question, “am I going to end up like that, one day?” From a very young age, parents are our ultimate role models, so when that image starts shuddering, it’s like our whole world is disturbed and falling apart without us noticing, subconsciously, which only makes it harder, because we’re suddenly anxious, but we don’t have the cloudiest idea why. It’s like living in denial without actually knowing what we’re denying.
We start questioning everything we know because suddenly shit doesn’t feel the same anymore. For me however, it went a little beyond trust issues, I developed commitment issues that I didn’t even know existed until I first tried getting into a relationship – that’s why I’m so sucky at relationships. “Ana bakhaf men el commitment”, that was very major for me at the time – it still is lmao – but it gets better. Besides, all the mental and psychological issues, it’s very exhausting and stressful to relentlessly have to move between two houses. For example, constantly having to make plans with our friends according to where we’re spending the night, or hanging out with both parents without making it seem like you enjoy the company of one parent more than the other – which is actually much more complicated than it sounds like.
The one taking the dubious honour though is always having to divide our clothes between both houses. That’s a lot of anxiety provoking shit we could seriously do much better without. One thing no one ever mentions, nevertheless, is that if your parents parted on bad terms – aw hatta on good terms wallahy – one or both parents always take(s) the pleasure in distorting the other parent’s image in our eyes, men el akher keda law homa mesh agbenko etgaweztoohom lehhh? Every time I go and babaya, we have to have a hostile khena2a, ashan he just has to mention something unpleasant about the woman who put in a shit load of effort and time in raising me, and I think it’s just pathetic!“Ommek kan aklaha ye2ref w kanet sensitive le daraga tefshakh el wahed” “Aboky ba2a kan amel nafso know-it-all w kan bey invade my privacy” – these are only examples, but it goes beyond that, and it sucks.
It gets even worse when one of your parents gets married again. I’m all about second chances and trying again and not interfering with whatever makes others happy, but the already existent drama does NOT need to be fueled up even more. Suddenly, you have a stepmother/ ather, and you have no idea about how to act around them at all, like uncle w tante w keda? bete3mely akl helw tab wala eh? Laa w mesh bas keda, what makes it even more complex to adapt to the new situation(s), is if you have stepbrothers/sisters; 3ashan the new partners may have any sons or daughters from previous marriages.
Having divorced parents is absolutely nothing to feel sheepish about or uncomfortable with, and the struggle is not an illusion, you are not imagining it, I promise. Divorce is major, and anyone who does not believe that or gives us a hard time for it can simply suck it.