You’re Not Hard to Love, You Just Have Misplaced Ideas About Standards

By: Zeina El Mofty

No matter what you try to tell me, no matter how much you believe that you are better off alone, it’s hard to feel like you’re hard to love. I get that you might not be looking for love, you might not even want love, but it will sure as hell hurt you if you ever feel like you are hard to love.

Disclaimer: I’ll most probably be using the word “love” too many times. I’m sorry in advance. Oh, I’ll also be repeating myself multiple times. 
Back to my point.

No matter who and how you are, feeling hard to love is painful. Why? Because it’s not really about people, it’s about you, it is about how you feel about yourself. Sure, screw what people think, you do you, but that doesn’t mean that you won’t subconsciously feel like it’s your fault that people view you as “unlovable”. You’d feel like you need to “fix” yourself, if not for people, for you. Well, I’m here to tell you, don’t. Shocker. 

Listen, I’m not here to tell you toz fi what people think about you because one, you already know that and two, that wouldn’t change how you feel about yourself. I’m here to ask you, what makes you so sure that people find you hard to love? 

There are two thing you probably don’t have in mind, but you should. 

One, no matter how many people you hear telling you they’re into curvy, funny, tall, blonde, skinny or basically any common adjective irrespective of your gender, this doesn’t make this specific adjective the factor that will determine if a person likes you or not. What people tell you they like, whether physically or otherwise, should never be a reference. Don’t ever convince yourself that people have certain “standards” that you’re not up to, because no matter how many people you know, ironically, standards are not standardized. People never like the same things, people don’t think the same way, so if you think you are unlovable because you don’t meet people’s standards, you are wrong, because “standards” are a myth. 

Two, you can’t be the judge. You can’t be the one to analyze whether people love you or not, because believe it or not, you are always too hard on yourself. Listen, people show love in different ways and you’re most probably only familiar with one and that is the very basic. But some people are very emotionally implicit, they can’t show what they feel, but it is there. You might get the feeling that a certain person doesn’t like you because they never show that they give a damn, but they actually really really do. It can get even worse, some people can be too harsh on you almost all the time and you keep wondering what on earth did you do for them to treat you like that. Must be something wrong with you, huh? Well, it’s not. Ever heard of tough love? Yeah it’s a thing, please get that, if it’s not for you, you can always walk away.

I’m sorry if all I’m saying is cliché to you but I seriously have nothing else to say because this is very true. You are very lovable and if you ever think otherwise, know that you’re either misinterpreting what people want, misunderstanding how people feel or you’re just befriending a bunch of toxic people you better cut off. And if you can’t, I’m sorry but I feel helpless. I have one thing to say though, and I mean it. 

Dearest reader, I don’t know you, but I love you. 

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