Fear is a bitch, period. Now, allowing fear to rule your life, dictating your every move will break you down, tear you apart and fuck you up in every sense of the word. Fear is needed, being scared of how big your dreams are, but not being scared of executing them. Can you see the difference? Can you feel the magnitude this word could have? The effect fear has on our lives is out of this world, it could guide your life into a realm of success, happiness and confidence or it could steer your life in a completely different direction. It could root you in your place- halt your growth, restrict your breath, hold you back from your true potential, fuck up your relationships, and your life by filling it with trust issues and mental dilemmas.
To get it into perspective let us take you in a road trip into another place, where we’ll meet a group of people that are having a constant battle with their fears. But, the thing is each of them is battling only one fear but its way more amplified that what a normal person would face but honestly though, who knows maybe people do face fear with such extents.
We’ll be using their first initials to tell them apart.
K: She’s the lost one. K suffers a very complex type of fear that is result of multiple things, but it is mostly due to her childhood loss which traumatized her. She has a fear of abandonment, the fear of being left by all her loved ones. Although this fear is not official, it’s one of the most common and damaging types of fears. She is a very different person and has always been battling an identity crisis because she is everything and its opposite. K is a very cold person on the outside, yet she’s the sweetest, most kind hearted person ever. She found out that that trait is due to fear of abandonment. Basically everyone with this fear finds emotional intimacy very hard yet they’re always insecure and think they’re unworthy of love and affection. Fear of abandonment is when you are quick to attach and at the same time you are reluctant to commit and tend to move on quickly because you don’t want to get too attached. It’s when you’re hard to please and nitpicky but you’re also very touched by every tiny gesture because you tend to overthink everything thinking there’s a hidden meaning behind it. You must be very confused right now and you’re probably like “what is this K?” but yes, that’s what K has always felt “What am I?” but simply that’s what that fear does to you, you’re just scared of everything, both being loved because you’ll be left one day and not being loved because you don’t want to be alone either.
A: I feel like A is each and everyone of us. Since the beginning of dawn we’ve always been accustomed to some type of ritual that is followed by many. The stone aged men would go around looking for whatever the hell they ate and then go back to sleep and when that cycle was disrupted, many of them felt lost and some even died because they couldn’t find their food at the same place. Same thing always happens with A. She hates change, despises it. She likes everything to stay the way it is from the tiniest things like her family day on friday that she wants it to keep like that forever. To the bigger things like how they were a family of 5, now it’s a family of 4 due to whatever reason. She would have a very hard time adjusting to such changes which can even result to depression and constant anxiety attacks. For, her moving out of her family house is difficult. Switching from University to the real world is shattering and going through a break up is somewhere in the scale close to death.
N: This one is a softie, she cries every night. She is literally the most ecstatic person you will ever meet, but she is so compassionate and loving, and when she loves you she would show you the doorway to paradise. However, she has a little problem, and that is her crazy fear of commitment. No matter how much she loves she cannot put herself out there, and that is mainly because the little voice in her head; trust issues. She has trust issues which are out of this world. Not, your typical it takes me time to open up to people. More, like I cannot ever believe that someone is capable of loving me, or displaying affection to me and so I cannot allow myself to not overthink every word you say to me, and I cannot help but think you have alternate intentions. She is just doubtful and scared, but it has put her back so much.
W: He is the complete opposite of A. They like each other quite a lot, but they are so different. This one is crazy and unbelievable. They love new things, adventures, road trips always takings risks and doing the unexpected. They have a shit tonne of personalities, and a shit tonne of interests. He never puts himself in a box or locks himself down- it is just not his thing and no matter how hard he tried, the moment he feels like everything is too mundane, too normal, and lacking of hecticity he freaks out. He goes out of his way introducing himself to even crazier things, always keeping himself busy even though it could be suffocating. He would do anything but settle down, which makes it hard for him to form actual bonds with people, and never giving him a chance in relationships, and when he falls for a person he knows he has no chance and so he will pretend as if he is trying, but he is only silencing the voice in his head.
R: Oh, dear R. She has always had to battle herself on this one as she found it exceptionally hard to let go of people. Always, getting attached to the people she loves checking on them even if they hurt her, she would go and apologize to them, because the idea of having to let go fucks her up. Her friends would always give her advice, telling her to let go of certain people in her life. She always fails. Never succeeds. No matter how hard she tried she would rather forgive than let go. Even, when she knows how much it hurts. Letting this fear control her more often than not, has filled her life with sometimes too toxic personalities, who abused her emotions.
Z: the merciless eyes of people is what she fears, but really how could you not? They’re always following you around, judging on how your dress should’ve been a tad longer, a tad less tighter. She fears the judgement of others. And as much as she acts like she doesnt care and that it doesn’t bother her, she can’t help but feel deeply hurt by everything others say about her. It goes to the extent that even if people said something nice about her, she would constantly think about it. Even if something was said unintentionally, she would still think it over and over again. She finds that fear to be of such hindrance to her everyday life. She finds herself feeble and vulnerable because literally whatever you say gets to her. She may not act like she’s that weak but deep down she’s a little child that’s scared of the world and it’s thorns that are constantly poking at her.
Y: The baby of the group. She thinks she will fall of the roller coaster, bleed to death from the vaccination needle and cannot stand seeing a scratch on her body. She is the type of girl who you have to literally drag to do anything near risky. She just cannot stand physical pain. She hates to feel hurt. She values her body a little too much.
And now let us say our goodbyes to those amazing people who are constantly battling demons that are sometimes too unbearable. I don’t know if you’ve noticed or not, but these people bear so much similarities to all of us, a little too much if you’ll ask me. That’s because these people are actually real and we never took you into other universe. All the fear we needed to present is in the hands of those who are writing those words right now. If you just connect the letters, it’ll spell out “RAWAN” & “KANZY”. Yes, you’ve been tricked. A letter may be merely of no worth to you, but to us it represents something so much bigger. Each letter of our name represents one of our darkest, most damaging and havoc-wrecking demons.
Do not let your fears control you like these little letters, too powerless, because in reality – anything controlling you but yourself is suffocating, and so the things you are scared of can sometimes be the things to push you back, and hold you down. But, the moment you feel controlled, suffocated, incapable of committing, of enduring pain, incapable of change. Take a moment. Press pause. Think about how to change. Find your trust issues and work on them. Give the people around you chances. It sounds crazy, maybe a little hypocritical coming from two people literally telling you about their fears, amplifying them for you, but we can both swear that we do our absolute fucking best to overcome those fears. We stand up to our demons never allowing them to take the steering wheel from our grip, and even in the toughest of moments we cling to the wheel, even if we will not move just to remain in power and control. Yes, I cry every night, and yes I am incapable of settling down but I will try my best to commit even if not directly to people but atleast to the things I love, because it’s not an overnight thing. It is a step by step thing, and sometimes I take a leap of faith. I throw my heart out there, because no matter what the outcome is. I won. I was in control. And, so should you. Not, because you control your destiny and that cheesy bullshit, but because you deserve to breathe and so do I, so remind yourself everyday that the leap of faith you will take will allow you to breathe!