How to Calm Your Anger and Control Your Frustrations

By: Hadeel

A problem I deal with a lot and have trouble controlling is anger. I get angry quickly and once I get angry, I stay angry. I lash out a lot. I yell and curse a lot. I can’t go back to normal after I get angry and I feel like shit when I get angry. I shout at people who haven’t done anything to me, I act cold towards the people who care, I act bratty and bitchy to the people who want to help, and I hate myself for hurting the people I love because of my uncontrollable anger. I got so drained being angry that I searched for ways to calm down when the urge to rage hits, so here’s a list for the most effective ways to calm down that have personally helped me.

Take a walk

Personally the most effective. Once something angering or upsetting happens, take a walk. It’ll help so much. Walking while thinking will help you think more thoroughly since you aren’t in front of the situation that angered or upset you. It’ll help you make the right choice. It’ll change people’s perspective of you, they’ll think you’re a calm person, when you could be the opposite. Most importantly it’ll do you good- getting angry sucks, the feeling of being angry is horrible especially the feeling afterwards, in my case I feel guilt afterwards which makes me angrier. It’s a never ending cycle. But walking will definitely help, it’ll soothe your anger a tad bit.

Change your thought process

If you’ve been through this situation before then you know what to do. It may anger at that moment, but you’ve been through it before. You can do this, you’ve done it before and can do it again. You can do this. You’ve got this and you can handle this situation. Instead of thinking negatively and thinking “why is this happening to me?” or “why does this always happen to me?” turn those thoughts into something positive and encouraging. For example, “I can do this. I’ve been through this multiple times and I can solve this or get over it.” or “This is the first time it happens, but I’ll get over and I’ll be okay after this is all over.”. Positive thoughts generally help out a lot, they make you feel more in control.

Control your first reaction

If you’re like me and something goes wrong or something happens that you didn’t see coming, my first feeling is always anger. Anger then sadness then guilt and then the cycle repeats itself. My first reaction is yelling or shouting. Which usually shocks or angers the person I’m talking to. I’m them blamed for expressing my anger, so I get even more angrier. But something that has helped was to change my reaction. It’s okay to be angry, but your reaction upon your anger isn’t okay. Even if the other person is wrong, control your anger so you can avoid being the “asshole” in this situation. Instead of yelling or shouting, you can say the same thing in a calm or quiet tone. It’ll benefit you so much, you’ll win the argument and you’ll save yourself mn 7ar2t el dam.

Listen to music or background noise

Instead of focusing on the situation listen and focus on your surroundings. It’ll calm you down, it’ll show you that it’s not the end of the world everything will be okay. Nothing is worth your tears or anger. Listen to music and calm down. Tune out the world around and all your problems. If you’re in the middle of the situation and can’t play music then focus on your surroundings. Listen to the cars beeping, the people talking, and the atmosphere around you. Tune out the situation and calm down. Focus on everyone and everything around you- take a deep breath and realize that this situation isn’t worth losing your voice over or worth ruining your day.

Ask for help

Know when to ask for help. If things get too much, ask for help. It’s not something to ashamed of. Don’t think that asking for help makes you weak. No, it’s actually the opposite, realizing that there is a problem and it needs solving is so brave- extremely brave. Ask for help from your teachers, guidance counselor,  friends, and parents. Take their advice and listen to them if their advice is helpful.

Anger is a normal emotion that we’ve all felt at least once. The feeling is nasty and the aftermath is always upsetting. As much as anger is normal, too much isn’t. Too much is damaging. Too much is hurtful and toxic. Admitting you’re wrong is hard, especially in a situation where you were right, but since your reaction was wrong you automatically are wrong. These tips helped me the most, but everyone is different, if these don’t work you can search to find out the most effective for you. Counting, reading, journaling your anger, and imagining a different situation all help too. Remember that you’re important, brave, and worthy of all the happiness in this world.

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