Trust. One of the key elements to pretty much any relationship. A relationship without trust is basically nothing. There is no relationship. The thing about it – trust – is that it’s hard to not only gain, but maintain. I honestly don’t remember who, I think it was my seventh grade english teacher that told me that trust is like an eraser; with every mistake it disappears. Which, for some reason really hit home for me. I find it very difficult to trust people usually because they do me wrong, but not always – sometimes, I don’t trust people because I feel like I don’t provide their needs.
When you’re in a relationship, trusting someone with your heart is definitely not an easy task, if anything its the complete opposite. In order to actually trust someone they need to give you reasons why you should trust them. For your partner to expect you to randomly wake up one day trusting them with your heart and soul 100% without them doing anything is absolute and complete bullshit. Trust is earned. Trust is something that shakes,bends and breaks. You need to prove to your partner that you really deserve it. That you really do deserve their trust. That you deserve to hold their hearts in your hands.
You also shouldn’t take it personally if someone doesn’t trust you. Usually because they have been forced into the mindset that they currently have. The mindset of not trusting people easily due to others in the past. It scars them for life. Its scars us for life. If your partner doesn’t trust you then you shouldn’t pick a fight with them and blame them for something that is so clearly your fault to blame. Why you may ask? Because you are not giving them reasons to trust you.
But, that doesn’t mean that every “you don’t trust me” proclaim is true or reasonable. Sometimes, it is not. Sometimes, your partner may be overreacting. Maybe it’s because they don’t like a certain friend you may have or a coworker. They are biased. As long as you prove to your partner that you trust them and have that be genuinely true. Then, all is well.
When you are in a relationship sometimes it’s good to have a little privacy and mystery, but mainly privacy. The day you started dating that girl/boy was not the day that you would give up your privacy. Being in a relationship does not mean that you give up your right of some privacy and space. Reading your partner’s text messages or eavesdropping is completely out of the picture. It’s rude,but not only that it’s none of your business because it’s somebody else’s. So not even your partner, but someone else. Even if it was your partner that would not make it acceptable. Any human being with basic human rights deserves a little privacy from time to time. If you don’t trust who they’re texting or find very questionable names pop up on your partners screen then perhaps you should discuss it with them. But, not go behind their backs and go through their phones and history. Nobody with a shred of self respect would do that, and if you do then you seriously need to rethink your life’s choices.
Asking is not intruding. Its okay to be curious and wander. It’s okay to be a little jealous
and afraid that you might lose them-However, if you are actually afraid of losing them than maybe you’re not really doing everything right. But, that’s not what we’re talking about right now-it’s okay to have questions and concerns. All of that is normal,acceptable and reasonable. It’s what happens in healthy relationships. Or at least what should.
Its okay to have suspicions-for good reasons of course-and to be curious, but you shouldn’t make assumptions about your partner or jump to conclusions because that will lead to a series of-well-unfortunate events and fights. Jumping to conclusions and making unnecessary assumptions about your partner is a complete waste of time,energy and love. Sometimes, people-particularly in relationships-don’t quite get the fact that being with someone 24/7 is very draining. Some people just don’t get that, and that’s fine. However, it’s acceptable to take breaks. It’s good for your mental health and for the sake of your relationship too. It doesn’t mean that that love you any less, but most times relationships get too complicated. They become overwhelming for that person and they just want to spend some time alone doing whatever it is they may want to do to get their mind off of things. It doesn’t mean he/she is cheating, it doesn’t mean that he/she will break up with you soon and it doesn’t mean that he/she got bored of you and no longer loves you. You need to trust the relationship that you two have built together. It is the foundation of a happy and healthy love life. Its okay.
Having trust issues is normal. It’s not your partner’s fault,nor yours that you have a hard time trusting people-usually due to trauma. You should never give your partner a hard time for not trusting you easily, but prove to them how trustworthy you really are. Don’t just give up on your relationship because of some incidents in the past. It’s not easy being screwed over and you need to be patient with your partner if they do suffer with trust issues. Don’t pressure or guilt them into trusting you, because if you do then chances are; you won’t last.
Trust is hard to gain,but even harder to maintain. I’m not saying to prioritize your partner and screw your own feelings. Simply, understand. Listen. And last, but certainly not least. Love with all of your heart. Not everyone is an asshole-only some.