Rituals of a Girl on Her Period

By: Naira

What some guys don’t understand is that when a girl is on her period, she is literally another creature. It really is a big deal. It’s not just because some blood is oozing out of our vaginas, it’s everything that comes with it. Almost every single girl I met has to agree with that. The anxiety, the constant unjustified anger, the insanity, all come in one package when it’s that time of the month. 

Let’s start with the very moment you wake up. You are lying in bed staring at the ceiling, dreading to move from the bed because you know… you just KNOW that you’re gonna leak the moment you step on the floor. Still, you do it anyway. You’re screaming at everyone in the house, crying to your mom about how your bed is now a big red mess. You’re screaming at your siblings because they’re breathing around you. Your dad is probably avoiding you at this point. 

Breakfast comes next. Whatever food you have in the house is not enough to satiate the monster inside you. So you order pizza…yes for breakfast, don’t judge. But you still have to wait 45 minutes until it’s delivered so you beg your mom to make you a grilled cheese sandwich. She does and you finally get a moment of satisfaction. The pizza comes and you suddenly lost all your appetite. You save your pizza for later. 

Now of fucking course, you gotta hand in 59 essays for uni or school the next day. It just has to be that way. You’re THAT unlucky. You get your laptop and try to cram anything into a 500 word essay before you fall asleep on the keyboard. How and when the fuck did this happen? Shit, now you got cramps. You can’t fucking move!! What now? You get up make yourself some green tea or some shit because you read it’s supposed to help on the internet. You feel relaxed for a couple of minutes and then BOOM the first flood comes in. You know these floods that come so fucking randomly that you were just not prepared for. Guess what? You leaked AGAIN. Go back to the bathroom, change your pad, tampon, whatever, change your clothes, then get back to work. 

Your friend calls but you don’t pick up because you remember they ditched you two years ago at that party. Oh shit now you start crying. You didn’t think it would still affect you. You open Instagram and scroll past a picture of your ex. Time for a mental breakdown! The truth is, you don’t miss him. You haven’t thought about him in ages. But for some reason right now it’s SO depressing. What a messy breakup! You need closure don’t you. How could he do you like that? Your best friend calls now. You pick up and start ranting about how your life is not going your way and crying and complaining and crying again. Your best friend asks if you’re on your period. You get mad because she’s invalidating your problems. What a bitch. Maybe you should cut her out. 

Ok back to work. Focus on the laptop! Nothing else. Shit your back feels likes someone smashed it with a fucking hammer. That lower back pain is probably the worst part. You google how to get rid of it and some weird shit comes up. None of it works so you just cry some more. OH! Pizza! It’s cold now. What a fucking shame. You’ll eat it anyway. It tastes so good maybe even better than usual. Is it because you were insanely hungry? Hmm, maybe. 

Now you remember that guys don’t go through half of that shit. You desperately want to be a guy for a good ten minutes. Then you realise how strong you are. Man, women are the shit. We are the queens of the universe. Bow down to us male peasants. We are strength, we are love. Suddenly you feel all that empowerment running through you then BAM another cramp. Fuck it. You wanna be a guy. 

Now the day is almost finished, you only got half the shit you were supposed to do done. The cramps start slowly fading. You come back to your senses. The regrets start seeping in. You come to the conclusion that in fact you WERE overreacting. You sigh as you lay on your clean sheets staring above you. Cursing your life. Both dreading and hoping you get your period next month. 

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