Parents are gems. They embarrass us in front of our friends/crush, they make terrible jokes and they also annoy the shit out of us. Don’t get me wrong now, I love my parents-sometimes-but, like everybody else they do get on my nerves from time to time, I’m pretty sure that they’re not 100% fond of me all the time either. I think its normal,it’s the way it should be. You can’t live with someone 24/7 and not at least get annoyed by certain things they do especially when “khol2ohom” is “dayya2”.
*almost all toxic people have these traits, but especially toxic parents*.
First and foremost, toxicity is toxicity. It does not matter your relationship with that person, friend, crush, lover, or even parent. A toxic person is a toxic person, period. Even if that person is your parent, you may not want to hear that but I’m only stating facts here. Sometimes, it’s the little things that may seem “normal” but actually they are not. It’s the consistency of these “little normal” actions that make you think that they are normal when in fact they are toxic, which then creates the toxic child-parent relationship that surprisingly – but unfortunately – most people have. You may even have it and not know it.
Some parents are “high-key” toxic,while others are “low-key” toxic. By that, “high-key” toxic parents are usually parents who are alcoholic,drug users or abusers-whether it’s verbally or physically. And by “low-key” i mean the following; if your parent is overly passive or directly aggressive. Passive-aggressive behaviors may be stubborn, express sullenness or they may procrastinate quite often when you ask something of them perhaps like going to see a doctor or getting a tutor, things that are important for your well being generally.
Parents that are needy, overly clingy and demanding at times even, are toxic believe it or not. Always wanting you to take care of them. Do this, do that. I’m not talking about your run of the-mil average day to day chores and such, but more so unnecessary things that they can do by themselves with no help needed whatsoever. They control you with guilt and money thinking that you owe them your entire life. “Who’s going to take care of me when i’m old and can’t walk?” “well you better remember this when i die” if you’ve heard either of those then i’m sorry to tell you, that is manipulation and pure toxicity. They may not even be aware that they are toxic or that their actions are toxic. They can be verbally toxic or physically, either way toxicity is toxicity, and that is not okay or “normal” to do.
Constantly undermining you means they think they are above you in power and pretty much everything else. That you are weak and helpless so they can basically do whatever the fuck they want and you wouldn’t be able to stop them because well, who are you compared to them? For myself, this resulted in me having a lot of insecurities and low self esteem due to their self deprecating unnecessary jokes that they say all the time.
There is a very fine line between parenting and invading privacy. You need to be fully aware of when you are crossing that line, your parents do not own your life and you certainly don’t owe them yours either. “You live under my roof, you live by my rules” said every parent to ever live, but that does not mean that they own you. It does not mean that they own your privacy and secrets, they are yours and only yours, it is your right as a human being to have boundaries even with your parents and that is both fine and normal and if they don’t accept that than they are not the best of the best to say the least. Also, not wanting your child to grow up is fine, always picturing them as your little baby boy/girl is normal and completely acceptable; especially after all of your sacrifices they will always be your little princess or prince but to actually prevent them from turning 18 or getting their driver’s license that is just completely and utterly selfish of the parents to say the least. You can’t neglect biology. We will grow up. And we will be better than you. That’s the way it is.
Lastly, but most importantly, there is a huge difference between selfishness and self care. Its okay to be a mom and go the beauty salon or go shopping with some of her girlfriends. And it’s okay to be a dad and go to see a game with his friends or even go to a bar. And it okay for both of them to have a date night from time to time maybe even go away together for the weekend. Being a parent doesn’t mean that you should have no social life or that you get shunned and excluded from any fun activities. As a parent you have to always put your child’s safety and wellbeing before yours or any other, that is just what any self respecting parent would do.
You see, people are like trees. They have leaves, branches and roots, so do people. The leaves are the people that, well they leave. They’re only meant to be in your life for a short period of time. They aren’t dependable, you can’t count on them because they will sooner or later leave. Then, the branches. They’re people who love you and support you, but as soon as you put any weight on them, they break and fall. They leave you when you need them most. They just can’t carry the weight. So before they fall, chop them off to prevent the mess and chaos. But, the roots, they are the keepers. The people that will actually last forever-however long forever may be. They’re the strongest. They will always be there for you and they will go through hell and back. They don’t necessarily have to be your parents or your friends. You can be your own roots.