Let’s see. If life had to offer us only one thing, what would it be? Would you choose having money? Would you choose having a passion? Or would you choose having love? If I had to choose, I would choose love. Why? Because it’s essentially one of the greatest emotions you can ever feel. We do forget that it comes with a price, though. We become so obsessed with the idealistic idea of what love is, that we forget it isn’t all roses and butterflies. It becomes a fantasy of ours. We hope love will be this insanely enigmatic thing that will save us and it is true in a sense I guess. Love makes you feel good. It makes you feel validated. But how we wish love was is far from reality.
We think that the minute we fall in love, 99% of our problems will go away. We expect that our significant other will do everything they can to be there for us. We think about all the little things that will supposedly, eventually make us so happy. Our life is no longer dull. It’s this exciting place that we’ve never visited. Our morning routines are now supposed to be bursting with good morning texts and calls. We can now have a shoulder to lean on every time we fall apart. We have support from a person who gives it unconditionally. It’s easier now to deal with shit because you’re not alone anymore.
It’s a deception but we refuse to admit it. We know these unrealistically high expectations are engraved in our minds ever since we were little. We watched fairytales about happily ever after. We grew up watching romantic movies and reading romantic novels that all cater to the delicate human nature that is prone to prefer fictional happy endings. We wish it was like that perfect, this ideal image that we only see in movies.
What is it that makes us think that we deserve that? Why do we love to have high expectations only to be let down? We wish it wasn’t like this. We wish it wasn’t all heartbreak and emotional exhaustion. But why do we think we deserve this perfect love if we ourselves are perfectly imperfect? Are we really that narcissistic? We can’t help it, though. Our feelings override our logic and we forget that we aren’t living in utopia. But we love to dream even though it might destroy us. We don’t learn because we hope again and again that this time it will match our imagination. And the cycle continues.
We wish it wasn’t all wasted time. We wish it was worth the overthinking. We wish it wasn’t all just a game. We pray to God that maybe this time, just this time, they care as much as we do. We pray for a sign, a notion, or maybe just a simple gut feeling to guide us but let’s face it: we have no idea what the fuck we’re doing. And so we just wing it and hope that they’re feeling whatever the fuck we’re feeling. So we do. We feed ourselves lies just because we’re afraid to know the truth. We wish it was more certain.
I’m sure it’s a great feeling to know that you’re appreciated but it just sounds odd. Can it really be? It’s too risky to think that. It’s dangerous to get comfortable. We wish it wasn’t. We wish it was all safe and sound. Is there a way we can feel like like we aren’t going to fall off the edge of a cliff? We wish we can talk to somebody and don’t feel like a burden or a chore. Is this asking for too much? Now that I think about it, it really isn’t. It doesn’t matter that we aren’t perfect. Nothing is. So can we at least have something close to it? Something worth it all?
Modern love is influenced by what I like to call “Netflix Culture”. I hate it. I wish love was more substantial. I wish love was more logical but also more magical. I think empathy is where the magic is. There can be no love without empathy or compassion, and we are a horrifically desensitized generation. We don’t feel for one another. We don’t accept one another. We are too consumed by jealousy and greed, by wrath and lust, by pride and laziness.
I wish love was something we could feel directly, not through the cracks of the walls around our minds and our hearts. I wish love was trust, implicit trust. I wish we could expose our flaws to one another without fearing rejection or manipulation. I wish we could bear our necks to one another in submission when the situation calls for it. I wish we could breathe in the love we hold for one another, without allowing materialistic bullshit to get in the way, without allowing old wounds to infect new relationships, without expecting anything, all the while knowing what we want. I wish we could say what we wanted without being shy of one another. I also wish we had mercy on one another, how often do you hear that word nowadays? Mercy.
Modern love is naught but an exchange of sex for materialistic pleasures or attention. Think of it, guy expects girl to give in to his sexual entitlement because it is what he thinks is owed to him, she thinks the same, she thinks she owes him physical submission, without a care for her pleasure or her morality (whatever her morality is). In exchange, he is expected to shower her with gifts appropriately, to slip her cute notes in the hallway, to take her out, all nice things, all halfhearted. What use is going out with someone when there’s nothing binding you together but some stupid words and meaningless touches?
I wish love was more flowing. I want to overflow with love, equal parts from the both of us. I want to drown in love. Love of its purest form. For someone to ask after my breath, my mental health. For someone to offer a hug without having to ask for it, without it being a way to emotionally manipulate me. For someone to give feeling, honest feeling, without an ulterior motive. I wish love were as simple as it actually is. Warm embraces and mutual growth. I want someone who will grow me as a person. Who will push me to be better; mentally, emotionally, and physically. Someone who will try different activities with me. Someone who won’t fear my power, but rather be proud of it.
You know what? Simply, here’s a thought. They say Shakespeare had all his young lovers’ stories end tragically because he knew how destructive and reckless love really is. Those who loved were stabbed, poisoned, and even drowned. They said that was what love was, life-threatening, a hazard. Today, lovers wallow in the comfort of depression, anxiety, eating disorders, abuse (physical, emotional, & verbal), the list is endless. That’s not love, that’s love’s imposter, infatuation. My love? The love I want? The love I wish we all had? Is life giving. It breathes peace and joy and pleasure into your very soul. I’m not romanticizing it. I would not dare. It is not flawless. But it is love. It will never destroy you. No one who loves you can destroy you. That’s the biggest lie told to us kids, “it’s the ones we love the most that destroy us”. Utter bullshit. It is the ones you love and who love you the most that will heal you, nourish you, and empower you. That’s love. That’s what I wish we realized love is.
Well guys, that’s part 2 out of the way, we hope you enjoyed this as much as we did.
Wishing you healing, growth, and love,
Naira and Fadila xx