Jealousy: the Reason Why You’re Miserable and How to Spot It

By: Youmna Halawa

Every single day, in our ordinary stories, or our favorite movies, or our getaway through a series or a novel, more often than not there’s an element of jealousy and envy, aka “evil”. 

Yet, it’s just an emotion, natural and universal, felt by men and women. Maybe it’s not evil or selfish. Maybe it’s a defense mechanism that can actually help. Maybe it’s just a feeling after all, that’s completely fine to feel.

So now let’s take a deeper look into the “green eyes” and try to understand jealousy and envy and how this simple feeling can be different from one person to another. 

First of all, there is a difference between jealousy and envy, whilst they can go hand in hand. Jealousy is feeling threatened that a third party might harm a valuable relationship. The fear that someone might replace you or take something valuable you have. On the other hand, envy, one of the seven deadly sins, is wanting what another person has. It is when someone’s superiority highlights our own inferiority painfully. Which can lead to frustration and sometimes a sense of injustice, and in the worst case self destruction. 

Envy often shows in phrases like “That person does not deserve what they got, I hate them, I wish they disappeared!” Or, “Life is unfair, I will never be like them, I’m a failure and I’m not good enough.” And sometimes “I should have that too, I must do what it takes till I become better, not for them but for me!” You see the difference. You know each is from a different person and you know who is the healthiest.

When you’re jealous of someone taking your place, you can still be envious of their looks for example that causes the threat and what you think they’re gonna have, which is your boyfriend maybe. So jealousy, feeling threatened, actually stirs up feelings of envy. So at the end of the day they do make a pair, even though envy can go on it’s own.

Turned out you can’t blame a person for acting crazy when they’re jealous, because jealousy is one of the most complex and confusing feelings ever.  Jealousy is actually a blend of the most difficult emotions we can feel. It ranges from fear of abandonment to humiliation and rage. So yea it’s basically many scary feelings at once. Great.

These feelings are also not limited to romantic relationships. Jealousy can occur between siblings over parental affection. It can arise between coworkers over praise, causing positive competition or destructive tension. And it can also happen between friends for whatever reason cause things can’t get more fucked up.

In any case, jealousy or envy is basically feeling threatened, not good enough, and out of control. It can bring about anger, self destruction, hate, and thus violence. All the crazy lies, tricks, and plots, summed up in “evil”, are some of the consequences that may happen when one is jealous. So yea, it’s not evil that stirs up jealousy but it’s jealousy that stirs up evil. 

Speaking of evil, evil is weak right? Isn’t that what most movies tell us, evil comes from weakness, the inability to control one’s actions and desires? Doesn’t good always win against evil? Yes, evil is weakness. Being mentally weak eventually causes inability to control jealousy and evil thoughts. And that is what it’s all about. Mental strength.

Mental strength is another topic altogether but it greatly affects how people act on feelings of envy and jealousy. In a nutshell, mental strength is having enough self esteem, being in control of your own emotions, being able to self discipline, and being able to take decisions standing on solid ground.

Mentally strong people control their jealousy and envy, because at the end they act as a wake up call. Being mentally strong, means you’re confident and if you’re confident you won’t go around getting jealous for the stupidest reasons. Jealousy will only be a signal to work on keeping a relationship. And envy will set place for healthy competition. 

At the end of the day, instead of correlating jealousy and envy with revenge, bitterness, and evil, we should start looking at it more acceptingly as long as it’s a push for improvement. For without all these feelings everythig wouldn’t be who we are and we wouldn’t have any motive for change, growth, or striving for better. So the next time the green eyed monster kicks in, tame it, and play with it. It can help you big time.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.