Here’s Why I Think You Need to Date Before Ever Considering Marriage

By: Maram Faragallah

Personally I don’t really look at dating and envision the scandal many people make it out to be. For me, dating is a really huge commitment and it needs experience before you actually can jump into the “real” thing: marriage.  

I’m really against marrying someone you didn’t spend a lot of time with and gotten so deep and personal with. I’m also against marrying someone you never fought with.

Let’s just say reasons dating before marriage can help you have a successful marriage.

Knowing Yourself

You act differently according to the type of relationship in your life. You treat your friends a lot more different than you treat your family, Your teachers and close relatives. It’s a very important thing to know yourself in romantic relationships. You might turn out to be a jealous person, who knows? Different experiences in our lives help us understand more about ourselves and having a partner is a major thing. Especially that the idea of a life partner always roams in our heads whether we like it or not.

Experience

Obviously dating is not a journey you learn from someone. You can’t ask people about their relationship and make a list of things to avoid on a paper. Dating is a journey you go through yourself. When we first start relationships, we’re new and greedy. We expect happiness and only happiness. A very common thing in relationships is trying to change your partner to what you think is good. As mentioned in Hepta, “She loved him because he’s easy going and funny then felt he should to being serious like her father.” We really try to change the person in front of us to what to us seems like perfect. And we expect a lot. Late night calls and lots of “I love yous”. After a while we realize this is not how relationships go. There’s nothing as such. No one can tell you how you act in a relationship and how that affects it. It’s a journey you go through yourself. That’s why you get experience from previous relationships and learn from your mistakes. This also makes you know what flaws in your partner might you accept and work with, and that helps in choosing partners after that. Experience is learning from your mistake and not repeating it in the next relationship. That’s something you wanna do to make relationships work.

Right Type

Everyone has a type. The problem is sometimes we’re fooled into thinking we like a certain type of personality when we actually like another. Take me for an example, I used to like “bad boys” but when I looked at all my crushes, I found that most of them are guys with high grades and a bright future. I realized too that persistence attracted me. If you saw the movie “le3bt el 7ob” you would get what I mean. Basically a guy criticizing a girl because she smokes and talks a lot to guys and goes out with them before marriage then actually falling in love with her because her personality was what he was looking for and didn’t know. He even had problems and a lot of fights with his wife, the conservative woman he put control on and she obeyed on whatever he said. You may think you like a type but maybe you don’t and another type attracts you.

Your Wedding Cake

When choosing your wedding cake, you have to taste a ton before choosing one. Same goes for fruits, your favorite fruit is your favorite fruit because you tasted all other fruits and came up with the conclusion that this one is right for you. Same goes for type, personality and type of commitment. Falling in love for the first time then jumping to marriage is for me like tasting only mango and saying it’s your favorite fruit. You have no experience, created no type and the action of tasting mango wasn’t your choice but was given to you.

Knowing Beyond

Being in a relationship makes you realize love is not enough so when looking for another partner or stumbling upon someone and you fall in love, you should be able to say if they fit what you’re looking for. For example you can love someone but technically you can’t work out. And love doesn’t demolish all doors, let’s be serious here. You loved a drug dealer, you’re madly insanely in love but you know it’s against your morals and their life and yours wouldn’t fit together. Through previous relationships maybe you realized you value trust more than you thought. So when looking for a partner trust would be a priority. You may love a guy insanely but he’s not that trustworthy so you know it wouldn’t work out. Same for responsibility, persistence, seriousness and so on.

Edison created the lamp after 99 tries. Maybe after a couple tries you would be able to know yourself in a relationship, mistakes you make and how to avoid them and the type of person you exactly want. So then you’re more likely to find a marriage partner that suits you.

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