The Frustrations of Having a Crush

By: Hadeel

Having a crush is probably one of the best and shittiest experiences in life. It’s the best if they end up having feelings for you too, but shitty if they don’t even acknowledge you. But the thrill of having a crush is exciting to the point where no matter what happens in the end you’ll always have some sort of feeling for them. Could end in hatred or love.

Falling for someone, whether you know them or not, is a fucking messed up rollercoaster. The whole journey is frightening, but for some odd reason, exciting. Always waiting for what’s going to happen next. Always daydreaming about your future together and head filled with ‘what if’ s and ‘do they’ s. Do they like me too? What if they do? What if they don’t? Do they think about me? Are some thoughts that run through all of our heads. The feeling of curiosity is overwhelming, but the fear of rejection swallows and buries the urge. The urge to talk to them, to answer your answers, to quench your thirst of curiosity and figure out.

Having a crush is natural thing- not having one is also natural. You don’t have to like someone always. You shouldn’t be forced by someone to like someone else. You shouldn’t be forced to like someone for the sake of having a crush. You shouldn’t be forced to like someone you lost feelings for. It’s okay if you don’t like someone now, this year, next year, or in 5 years. It’s fine. Feelings should come naturally and not forced. Yet this happens a lot. Some people don’t have the choice to love someone- no they’re forced. It’s an infamous phenomenon called “arranged marriage”. It’s when the parents force their kid to marry someone for fame, money, and sometimes for the sake of marriage. Some couples actually find love, while others live a miserable life filled with agony. It’s a huge problem in the Arab world, which, unfortunately, doesn’t have a solution.

Having a crush isn’t limited by gender. When you see someone you find attractive your feelings are just going to be like “fuck it”. Don’t think that your feelings are actually going to care about the gender. No matter what gender you were taught to like, your feelings will always be independent. No they won’t depend on who you were taught to like or who you were forced to like. And I know it’s frustrating to find out that you’re “different”, but trust me you’re not. You’re taught to feel that way because there is always a standard version of the ideal person. It’s pretty international, but can change in some places, but an ideal person is someone who’s straight, white, is conservative, healthy, doesn’t sin, and obeys God. This is how prejudice and hate was born. This is the starting point in which everyone who considered themselves as ideal started to alienate those who were different. This is why we suffer. Starting getting rid of these thoughts and ideas that were planted in your head and only then will you be able to live. No, not peacefully because the world is a shitty place, but actually be able to decide what’s right and what’s wrong.

This is something that I always tell myself. “If they wanted you, they would’ve confessed or approached you.”. I say this to motivate and control myself. Motivate, because then I can try to shoot my shot. Try to talk to them and get to know them more. Control, because sometimes I get way too excited and the only way to stop that is by facing the truth. Maybe they don’t hate me, maybe they don’t even notice me, and maybe they’re waiting for me to make the first move. Stop the whole ‘a girl shouldn’t make the first move’. Why the hell not? If I like someone enough I’ll try to make the first move so they can notice me. I’m not just gonna cry and daydream. No, I’m gonna take an action. Does that make me masculine? Hell no. That makes me a human being.

Women can make the first move. Anyone can love anyone. It’s okay to not always have a crush. It’s okay to be overwhelmed. It’s okay to daydream, no matter the amount of people who say it’s ridiculous. It’s okay to plan out the future, but remember that things change. People change, don’t be upset about that. Maybe it’s them who changed and in most cases it’s you. It’s okay to be rejected or to reject. Stop the stigma over rejection. It happens. Doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt but it happens. You can’t control your feelings and you can’t force them. Remember to always take care of yourself and no matter how it’s going to end, just know that the future is much brighter and your life shouldn’t be held on pause for a simple crush- no, quite the opposite actually.

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