Fact: You are undeniably, wholeheartedly, infinitely alone.
Another fact: so is everybody else.
It doesn’t necessarily have to be a bad thing either. After this eye-opening realization hits and you get over the initial shock of realizing that people are replaceable and that your current group of close people will drastically change in the matter of a few shorts years or even months, cementing the fact that no relationship is forever, you can finally focus on the one person who’s going to actually be there for you till the end of time: yourself. There’s no use being dependent on other people and pouring your life and soul into them, when in the end everyone leaves, whether freely or forcefully. We should learn to be there for ourselves, to offer ourselves sympathy and care , to save ourselves, rather than waiting for someone who’s going to leave in a few short months anyway, to do it.
I’m well aware that I sound like a bitter old lady at the moment, but this is not meant to be an angsty bitter outburst of sorts, I promise, just hear me out. The notion that everyone leaves isn’t a sad one, rather it’s actually the first step towards self –love and acceptance. Through acknowledging the fact that all friends and partners are going to leave someday, we’re paving the way for one very important aspect of our lives: being a friend to one’s self. We need to treat ourselves with the same caring attention and mindfulness we would a lifelong friend , because whereas that friend is temporary, we are infinitely connected, some would even say stuck, with ourselves.
We would offer a good friend acceptance and a safe-space where they can fully exist and embrace all parts of themselves, even their flaws and shortcomings. But when it comes to ourselves, we are our very own worst critic. We are often too hard on ourselves and don’t give our person enough room to grow and make mistakes along the way. What comes next is compassion. When we’re someone’s friend, we often tend to excuse their failures and wrongdoings and remind them that it’s okay to make a few mistakes here and there, it’s just a part of being human. Not only that – but we even remind them in times of trouble of the things they’re getting right, never losing sight of their strength, when ever they do. We should extend this same giving hand to ourselves, instead of letting cruelty dictate our behavior and attack ourselves in our most vulnerable spots. Forgiveness , an act we so generously give it out to acquaintances and strangers alike, yet find so difficult to offer to ourselves. Instead we let ourselves tense and tighten as we start to sink back into our unworthiness, encouraging this descend by hating on ourselves even more.
Last but not least: Empathy. As friends we acknowledge that failures are common and through our ability and capacity to place ourselves in somebody else’s position , we offer just enough empathy to our fellow human beings, to numb their self doubt and insecurity. When it comes to ourselves however , we tend to feed that insecurity and self doubt and turn it into an aid to loathe ourselves and our inabilities and abilities alike even more. But this should all seem pretty easy right ? Even quite simple , to include ourselves into the daily acts of kindness we offer the people closest to us , in order to include ourselves in the limitless happiness we try to give other people.
The truth is, treating ourselves with kindness and basic decency is a very hard task. It all boils down to the fact , that at a very deep and wounded level of our existence as sentient beings on this earth , we don’t really think we deserve any of that. So even though we might spend a great deal of time thinking about others, we wholeheartedly neglect ourselves. In order to build a friendship with ourselves , we need to convince ourselves that we are worthy of our own love and affection , just like any other person is. We have to remind ourselves everyday that despite any shortcomings, we are still worthy of love and compassion and most of all forgiveness. We all need to have a shared truth that ,being chanted in our heads like a mantra, no matter place or time: I’m not a terrible person.
I’m not unworthy. I’m not unlovable. And it is only then, when you can believe your words, will you be able to have the most passionate love story with the only person who will be there for you forever and shield you from all the horrors of the world : yourself.