Most people believe I’m anti-relationships. I’m not. I’m just against shitty relationships – which is what most people I know end up in, and as we all know, takes one to know one. Since I feel like this is worth a shot, here are 5 types of relationships you should just not even think about, it’s not about whether someone is toxic to you in those, it’s mostly about how you both react to one another, it’s how you both deal with one another, basically, shit’s complex, so here’s the simplified version.
1- It Alights a Raging Inferno Within You
Never confuse lust for love. You’re both incredibly passion-driven, you’re practically high on lust whenever you’re together, it’s addictive in the most dangerous sense of the word. A relationship built on lust only – or even mostly – is destined to fail, and contrary to what you might think: it will not be a clean break, in fact, it’ll be shockingly messy. Perhaps it could be a clean break between you, but they’re a drug to you, their fire calls out to you, which means that if you’re adamant about staying away – you’re about to deal with some serious withdrawal symptoms. Is this a toxic relationship? Most definitely.
2- It’s Both Crazy Comfortable and Insanely Convenient
We tend to stick to our comfort zones, especially after having been hurt once or twice, so we ignore our intuition, pretend that “falling in love” is something we can control, and we attach ourselves to the most convenient and comfortable relationship possible around us. You’re hurt, you’ve not moved on, but you thirst for this comfort, you crave it, yearn for it, because you wish anything would fill up this hole in your heart. This is not alright. You’re only hurting yourself and whoever you choose more. Comfort does not equate happiness. Just keep that in mind ok?
3- Throwback to the 20s
Look boo, if your relationship is built on control, you fight yourself right now and high tail it out of there, you hear me? Find. A. Way. Out. Controlling relationships are the worst, they restrict you, suffocate you, slowly poison your will, oppress your strength, choking you with each new rule and every sugar coated command. “Wear this, not that”, “quit smoking”, “you have to study”, “I know what’s best for you”, blah, blah, blah. Hun, no. You deserve better. Run. It’ll hurt like a bitch. But Run. It’s the best long term solution for you.
4- Big or Small, Lies are Lies
A relationship built on lies? Really? Trust is so important. This is where you trust your gut, not your paranoid mind or craving heart, but your gut – your intuition. Trust the universe when trying to determine whether to lie or build bridges. Trust is what makes or breaks a healthy relationship, so a relationship built on deceit and manipulation is a recipe for a toxic disaster. If you lie once, you’ll lie a hundred times, because lying is a steep slope, once you hop on, it’s almost impossible to stop. Honesty is difficult, but don’t be a hypocrite – you want your partner to be honest with you? prepare to be honest too.
5- Devour Me
Some of us, due to being spoon fed unrealistic ideas of love, have become used to this idea of what our “one true love” is like. You’re begging to be consumed, fully devoured within this relationship, you want it to overflow with care and compassion but to drown you in passion too. You’re craving an obsession. You want to be on their mind 24/7, you want them to be your emotional tampon and your doormat, your shoulder to cry on and your escape route from any and all “sticky situations” and you’ll do the same for them. The moment you’re consumed and consuming – alarm bells should ring off in your head. Pull out. Reflect, Think about your relationship. Breathe. Make a run for it. Moving on is shitty, it’s like a month long migraine, you’re haunted by them, but you’ll get over them – eventually.
Just, don’t do with those alright? If you’re stuck, as you well know, my email’s open.
Sending you all joy, healing, and growth.