Everyone has probably experienced grief whether its your pet dying or a family member. Everyone experiences it differently, some are relieved and some are tortured and haunted by it. When you’re in a state of grief everyone acts in a different way. The people who hate you show compassion and the people who love you show pity.
And that was probably the worst thing. Everyone treated me with caution and as much as I appreciated it, it was suffocating. I wanted to laugh, joke, and smile, but all everyone did was remind me instead of taking my mind off it. I didn’t want to be reminded I wanted to act as if it never happened, but I was constantly haunted by the memories at school, home, and even of social media. It was as if grief was forced upon me.
Until now I’m still reminded by it. His death helped me become better and stronger. It helped me grow and become more considerate, and finally it helped me realize that in life I won’t always get what I want, because not everyone is privileged. Some people have it worse than I do and some people have it better. Some have handled grief better, but some haven’t. I feel as if grief and death are taboo subjects and no matter how mild they seem/are, they always have a bigger effect, than what everyone makes it look.
Sometimes grief makes us stronger and sometimes it just weakens us, leaving a shell of the person we used to be. It takes time moving on no matter how mild or severe your grief is. I remember going to school the next day and sobbing my eyes out when I informed my teacher about his death. I’ll never forget the look on her face or the look on my friends face. Pure shock. I was then sent to the school counselor and while i was there my entire class was informed of his death. I had a hard time believing that I’m never gonna go back home and see his face or go to him when I need help with math. That I wouldn’t be able to go to him when I get nightmares or when I just can’t sleep. Yet life went on.
I fell in love and out of love, lost and gained friends, and failed and succeeded in my studies. Life moved on and I saw no reason to be stuck in the past. It still stings when i think and i can sometimes feel my eyes burn with tears, but i learned to move on, because if i stayed in the past then there was no way i would’ve succeeded on my own in the future. But just because i moved on doesn’t mean i have forgotten. No, I moved on, yet I always wonder would things have been different if my dad were still here?
Many people don’t always move on. Many people are clouded by grief forced upon them by society and by themselves. Many are daily reminded and haunted by the memories. If you still haven’t moved on then all i can say is that everything will be okay in the future, maybe not now, or in a few weeks, months, or years, but if you keep pushing forward and embrace the grief you will slowly move on and finally be able to rest without feeling as if you’re being suffocated.