By: Hanya Grida
Lately, I have been finding pleasure in falling apart and tearing down, and although this might seem insane it is – in fact- the hard core of sanity. Why can’t it be okay to enjoy your downs and accept vulnerability? I have spent my whole life wearing masks to cover up the little, sensitive girl I am inside and only my ex saw that part of me. When it was over, I was too broken to keep the mask on. Instead of letting it bother me, I enjoyed every part of it and took note of how people reacted to it. The process of mourning and exposing one’s vulnerable side because you are too broken to hide it could lead to a mystical connection with your within. So, enjoy every stage as it comes and please reflect on how you got through this in comparison to others.
How could it be possible that you will not go home to tell him/her about your day? You are still incautiously waiting for school to be over so that you’ll have enough time to talk to him/her, it is how your brain functions involuntarily. Bad news is it stays like this for a while. This stage is how you are let down, knowing he/she can’t and shouldn’t be there anymore. No one could do it like he/she did, but it is fine. Allow yourself to go through the process and don’t lock in the mourning that comes along.
This is a phase of questions that come along with answers that get you closer to the conclusion that -although he/she once promised to be your hero- he/she is your villain. Here are some that you might wanna ask: who do you think you are? Why hurt someone so much? Why did you ever think you loved me? You honestly moved on so fast and this keeps me wondering if you ever loved me? Do your parents ask about me and do you tell them that you have been as asshole? Is he/she the one already? FUCK! While you are so angry at him/her and at the fact that this didn’t go ask planned, he/she is probs doing something so much fun. THIS IS A PHASE OF HATE. Everyone of us knows by fact in this stage that their ex is loved and hated simultaneously. Why? The numbing effects of denial begin to thaw, and your pain emerges. But you are not ready to accept the reality of the loss of your partner. You’re intensely angry at your ex for his/her lack of emotions, betrayal or abuse.In this stage, allow yourself to hate this person. Take note of the thoughts you get.
I seriously hope that y’all know this is ONLY ONE STAGE OF 5 AND IT IS NUMBER THREE! YOU ARE HALFWAY THROUGH! You are willing to do anything to avoid accepting it’s over. You’ll be a better, more attentive partner. Everything that’s been wrong, you’ll make right. The thought of being without your ex is so intolerable that you will make your own pain go away by winning him or her back, at any cost. Why? It has been two difficult stages and you are not willing to do or take any more of this bullshit.Of course, you’re not logical at this point and probably shouldn’t be operating heavy machinery. Feel the pain till you can’t breathe and cry publicly and privately BUT PLEASE before you text him, remind yourself of why this didn’t workout in the first place. Tell yourself that it is the other person’s job too to drag this back into place and if one of the two involved is not fighting for the relationship that something wasn’t right. You are standing on the edge of what feels like an abyss, trying not to fall into the unknown. However, it is what you already know that brought you here. Challenge yourself and allow yourself to take adventures on your own. Fall into the unknown.
This is the official stage of official mourning. You know it is over and you don’t accept it yet. It is when the words really hurt and when his/her pictures burn your heart to ashes. Lose yourself till you have nothing to hold on to. Crash, start running to everyone for help, and learn that the only person you shall run to is yourself. Reach out to everyone you love for help until you love yourself most. Yes, it’s when you find that you are the only source of support you need when you’ll love yourself most. You may want people to be your nervous system’s sensible nerves but definitely not your backbone. So back to the point, clash and breakdown till there is no pain you can hold on to. Cry every single thing out. Believe it or not, the world will wait.
Going through the stage of depression starter pack:
- Accept the pain and take yourself as is. Do not try to force yourself to heal. HEAL ON YOUR OWN PACE
- Do good deeds and help others in anything. (This article was one good deed I thought of doing)
- Forgive yourself for choosing the wrong person and giving him/her things he probably didn’t deserve.
- Rethink the doors you have opened and closed; change that according to what you have learned.
- Embrace something you once hated about yourself.
- Get a new, refreshing look. (possibly a haircut, a piercing). Do something that marks this stage of your life.
- Delete all unnecessary chats/pictures/videos/numbers.
- TRY TO AVOID UNHEALTHY REBOUNDS, YOU HAVE LOST ENOUGH OF YOURSELF ALREADY.
- Start a new habit.
- Organize your room/closet and do a social media cleanse.
Acknowledgement: Hagar Ibrahim put a similar version of this together to help me and inspired me to write one for y’all.
IMPORTANT NOTE: A lot of people go through a stage of anger toward their exes here again. It is okay. Reread stage number two and do not think that you are starting over because you aren’t. Even if you are, allow yourself to do it all over again and find pleasure in the process. Keep a diary if you want. Trust me it will enable you to connect to your inner self and learn things about you that you never were aware of.
Acceptance is where the recovery begins.Now comes the best part of all, the healing It is the happy ending of all the sad you have been going through. As cliche as this sounds, it shall be okay in the end and for every problem there is a solution. We all know that our body functions for our well-being and happiest state without us being conscious about it. . Heal on your own pace. We all have a medicine that owns the endorphins of our recipe. Mine is gym/baking/dancing/writing poetry/hanging out with my girls. Heal. You don’t have to rush anything. Heal till your chakras our wide open to welcome minty breaths. You explore till you find your medicine. Nothing is permanent; hold on to your therapy but when it isn’t attached, let go.