Disclaimer: Rated mature, 16+, again, this is not an article to encourage sexual behavior, this is your life, I in no way have a say in anything you do, this is a guide for those of you who CHOOSE to indulge in sexting or anything more. This is a safety guide more than anything else, please keep that in mind.
Sexting – dirty talk – has got to be the one sexual act of foreplay you can’t fuck up, unless you’re really bad at talking/writing, the only problem is – as I stated before – you want to get it over with; “hi, bam, thanks, bye”. Dirty talk requires, well, using whatever blood isn’t being drained from your head. Now that being said, you can all do your happy jig because I’m about to give you tips for the first time ever, let’s just hope I don’t fried over this.
First though, let’s make some things clear.
Safe Sexting is Important.
Think about it, how many ways can you get out of rumors about you sexting? There’s no proof. If your reputation is important to you but so is your sexual health, well, this is your safest bet, this is the only balance possible. Obviously, voice notes and nudes are, well, not as safe but if you’re willing to risk this, or you simply do not give a fuck what people think and feel you are entitled to your own sexual activities (good on you either way).
TURN OFF YOUR PHONE SYNCING. If you lost your phone, well, shit. Whoever finds your phone…or hacks it, will find anything and everything, so if you did take nudes, even if you haven’t sent them, make sure they’re NOT on your camera roll, there are apps such as KeepSafe which are high security photo album apps, not synced to anything, it’s not flawless, but it’s the safest option if you choose to indulge in such a thing.
T.R.U.S.T. If you don’t trust your partner, then why the hell are you in a sexual (even if it’s just digital) relationship with them? That makes zero sense. Like, if you don’t trust them as far as you can throw them, why risk sexting, sending nudes, or FaceTiming your partner when, well, there’s no trust? Obviously, the first question here is; what is this trust thing? Trust is precious, it’s built, mutually, out of compassion and understanding. Go over the things you believe make up “trust” and make them the basis of one of the most important elements in assessing whether the person you are attracted to is right for you or not, or whether they fit said criteria or not. That way, if things go awry, well, I need not say anything right?
From someone who fucked up big time with this: do not sext anyone if you cannot fully concentrate on them; imagine sending a hot paragraph to a stranger, or worse…your ex. Nope, not pleasant, not pleasant at all.
Secondly! Sexting is scary.
If it’s any comfort, the fear is completely natural, although, you can either allow it to excite you or block you, it’s all up to you. It’s okay to be scared, that’s a part of going into any sexual relationship, especially if you’re a “sexting-only” person, and even more if it’s your first time.
Thirdly, indulge me, and play 21 questions with them.
Sexting is all about imagination, PORN has made y’all stuck with chosen words, but really, not every one person has the same turn ons as the other, so for goodness’ sake, ASK YOUR PARTNER WHAT THEY LIKE! Steaming, hot, 21 questions. You can start with something as simple as asking them about their previous sexual experience, get a jist of how they feel about each encounter and more. That’s always a good starting point. ASK. Paying attention to your partner, indulging yourself AND them each other’s curiosity, is not bad, it’s bloody brilliant and you should do it. COMMUNICATION IS KEY TO ANY GOOD RELATIONSHIP NO MATTER THE TYPE – romantic, sexual, sibling-ly, or whatever other type of relationship you have.
Fourthly, use your imagination? please? and resources?
you found out what your partner likes? if they’re compatible with you like or you’re both willing to explore, well, try? Maybe? Please, do not stick with any shit, do not go straight to the fucking, please. Start out slow, normal convo, heat it up a bit, be descriptive but not boring, detailed but not overly so, crude but not insulting, use your imagination, allow it to roam free within the boundaries and rules you both have set to suit your needs and interests, both in and outside of your sexual relationship. Say, your partner loves books, role play at a library. They like cars, don’t need to hint at anything here. Your knowledge of your partner, your trust in them, your curiosity and respect for them, SHOULD help you maneuver situations and ideas and thoughts, voice them, unashamedly, with a bit of sass or a bit of bite, and you’re good to go.
Fifthly, PLEASE PROOFREAD.
Okay, I thought I was weird at first, but just, well, no. Poor grammar and spelling mistakes are TOTAL turnoffs. Also, your wording? NO OBJECTS. Please do not describe how whatever you want to do to your partner is like some construction work (if you know, you know).
Finally, if you want sext examples, well, Cosmopolitan and Women’s Health Magazine both have some pretty NSFW, well written, good ideas for you to start with. Make sure that if you choose to sext, you do so safely, you do so without being pressured, you do so on your own terms. Make sure to also use your imagination, talk to your partner, set common rules and guidelines, measure your compatibility and attraction to each other, decide on what kind of relationship you BOTH want. This isn’t something you can dip your fingers in and be 100% sure you’ll get em out unscathed, especially due to safety concerns.
Well, next is something more clinical, we’ll be talking safe sex and STDs, a full help and safety guide, let’s hope this somehow helped with, well, anything.
P.S photo used is via ThoughtCatalog