Being totally unashamed of my period helped me discover that the things I thought only I did when my period FINALLY blessed/cursed me with its flow other girls did too. In fact, it’s not just an Egyptian girls thing, it’s a universal females thing. Any female able to have a menstrual cycle ends up doing these 7 things when on her period. There’s no shame ladies, after all, these things are no secret really, it’s just that we all think they’re exclusive to us – well, ordering McDonald’s at 3 am when your period comes may be exclusive to just us but that’s besides the point.
1- Fries Before Guys
That’s the golden rule anyway, but when on our periods, it becomes THE ultimate life rule. Nothing is more important than food. We inhale food and exhale comfort. We also end up broke from ordering one too many pizzas but that’s ok. Sometimes, it’s the ice cream tub and The Notebook, other times it’s a gossip session with the squad featuring 3 large greasy as hell pizzas and a liter of pepsi, or maybe reruns of FRIENDS and the pyrex full of smores your bestfriend sent to you, regardless, life becomes food, we exist to eat and fill our aching hungry monster bellies.
2- “Psst, Ma3aky Pad?”
And that guy in class overhears you and looks on in horror, but do you give a flying shit? No, because your cramps are killing you and if you leak through your pants it’s going to be a disaster and you don’t have a second pair, and your teacher just gave you detention, and you really need to find a pad before you die and the apocalypse hits, and oh god how will you clean out the stains?! It happens to the best of us, Aunt Flo decides to unexpectedly show up in the middle of class or (god forbid) on a date or an outing with your crush present, you don’t have a single pad on you, and so starts the treasure hunt.
3- “MY PERIOD GAT! HA!”
Yes, when it’s FINALLY here, you call your bestie and scream it out loud till you burst her eardrums, and you do that happy jig and then hold your stomach quickly in pain because you moved too quick and your uterus decided it wasn’t happy with that. Ya salam baa if your bestfriend is on her period too, suddenly, your night turns into either a slumber party or a sushi date, depends on what’s in your wallet or whether you and your mama are aight or fighting.
4- Period Underwear and Leggings
Deny it all you want, but we all have a special pair of undies and a bra that are always ready for the first day of flow week. Those stretchy comfy cotton panties that don’t annoy you or your ultra long pad, that padded wired bra that’s soft on your skin and handles your so-very-sore boobs carefully, and let’s not forget the most important item – your period leggings. Period Leggings are a very special pair of leggings, for many they’re yoga pants, they’re stretchy around your tummy but also restrict its movement without digging in deep, your uterus is safe for now, they allow you so much room for movement, you can twist this way and that without upsetting your just-right pad setting.
5- The Fetal Position
It’s that position where you’re laying on your bed, one hand resting over the heating pad spreading warmth to your stomach, staring at the ceiling, your legs sprawled awkwardly, and your eyes blank. The only thought taking your head by storm is: “am i dying?” In a matter of seconds, your eyes will water and you’ll be letting out two waterfalls, one’s menstrual blood and the other is salty tears, your nose may start running but you can’t even lift your head up let alone go grab tissues. It is when you feel most like your life is ending and you start crying for absolutely no reason. Post those tears, you’ll probably start questioning your mental health and then your sanity.
6- El Sheyaka 3enwan-na
What clothes? It’s period leggings or baba’s pyjama pants from the 80s, aywa the checkered ugly ones that are too comfy to get out of. There’s no room for makeup or hair styling, it’s the messy bun, crocs or flip flops, your cousin’s hoodie and then you search for the car keys. Going into the supermarket people stare, but you grab the nearest basket and start piling it high with chocolate and chips, your crocs get muddy, your bun is half destroyed, and you have leftover mascara under your eyes, but who gives a shit? They don’t have bleeding vaginas do they?!!
7- Why? Why?! Why??!!!!
Yes, it’s 7asad time! You’re holding a cup of something warm and staring into space, you can’t think because you’re in too much pain, but then you start asking why you had to be born with a uterus, why females have to give birth, and why we’re are so undervalued. You begin to count everything you consider to be “male privilege”, wonder about surgical ways to remove your uterus, and wince at how much you think giving birth will hurt. Then of course, you swear to yourself that you will NEVER get married…until your crush texts you and you begin to plan your life together with him in your happily ever after 🙂