We live in a patriarchal society that praises sexually active males and questions the clearance of a sexually active female. I take pride in being a sexually active human being, or at least when questioned I am honest and open about it. As hormonal teenagers, we all tend to be sexually frustrated every now and then; some choose to act upon their urges and some don’t. Those who do would notice a common pattern of actions and consequences that end up with shaming and regret.
Sexual tension is not a myth, it happens all the time. You can watch two friends of yours checking each other out and feel like you want to guide them to the nearest room. Your friend, who is female, is attracting your other friend, who is a male. Your friend, who is a female, likes your friend, who is a male. Your friend, who is male, likes your friend, who is a female back. They partake in mediocre conversations because they’re both aware of what is going to happen next. Whether your friend goes 1st or 4th base with him, it will end up in one of the three following scenarios: 1) they agree to stay friends and never take their friendship to the next level. 2) They agree to become friends with benefits, 3) they never talk again. All three options come with benefits and drawbacks.
In scenario one, the female friend might’ve felt guilty the day after and decided that whatever’s going on is not for her so she decided to confront the male friend and take a step back, which might either be totally cool with the male friend and piss him off to the extent that he runs around telling everyone whatever happened between them. In scenario 2, the female friend might be freaked out or feel degraded because society tells her that all females who have sexual desires are the cousins of Satan, or she might be completely cool with it and enjoy it as it lasts. While the idea of FWB (short for friends with benefits) might sound like your safe haven, it comes with a lot of drawbacks. One being scandals, two being emotional and sentimental attachment, and three being pressure.
Let me elaborate. I know it sounds cool to have a friend who you can share your sexual desires with without the attachment of a relationship, but no one likes the public to be in their business. If your FWB decides to tell his friends about the crazy night you had last night, you’re done, for good. Even if you do not care about others’ opinions, it will get to you eventually. Imagine having someone who’s always there and you’re almost always so intimate with each other; an emotional connection will be formed naturally and eventually, and it is not going to be pretty when you like the way his eye sparkle in the moonlight and he likes the way you give it to him. Sometimes when you give a stray cat a piece of your sandwich, it keeps following you around until you’re in your car on your way home. That is the case with some people, you give them a taste of what your mama gave you and they keep demanding for more. It might even end up with them threatening to tell everyone about the sexual relation you have.
Moving on to the third and final scenario, both parties might agree that they are not fit for each other and that taking their relationship/friendship to the next level might be a wrong step. In this case, they will agree to forget whatever has happened between them and forget that they even existed in each other’s lives and move on. Sadly, this is not always the situation. Shedding light on the previous example of the stray cat, one of them might still want the sexual relationship and might even beg for it. When they are denied what they are demanding, they might backstab you in two seconds and might even fabricate a story out of what you had.
Life is scary, but I have a solution for all of you sexually-active and proud queens. You should always get to know the person you have sexual desires towards first before proceeding with your plan. Watch for the red flags: listen carefully when they’re talking about their previous partners, establish a conversation about sex and such and see how they react, etc. If they show negative attitude towards said topics, they’re not the one. Finally, do not overanalyze their actions, do not assume that they’re into you sexually just because they’ve brushed your arms a couple of times, they just might be touchy people. Choose your partners wisely.